[Laneco]

First...I'm so sorry this is happening to her and to you (her family).

Hospice is your first stop and will provide palliative procedures and show you how to administer them. This will include medications, pain management, hydration, food, and body waste.

Choose the room with care. The hospital beds take up a fair amount of space. We chose the living room for my Father. He felt part of the family life when he was awake and it turned out to be much more practical than the bedroom because there was room around the bed, for people to stand, help him, etc. We could move the bed as needed, and the auxiliary equipment (breathing apparatus, portable toilet, etc) all could be stored/moved nearby. When he needed private moments, we would leave the room and hang out in the kitchen - near but out of site. We used the couch as a 2nd bed for the person watching him, toward the end, we could not leave him alone even for a few minutes.

At the point where the person is sleeping almost all the time, not eating, and not pooping - they are in the end times. No one can tell you if it is a matter of a few days or longer. Sometimes people rally and what you initially thought would be a very brief time can turn out to be longer - sometimes even months longer. If that proves the case, then you will need respite for the caregivers. Reach out to hospice for that.

Near the end, some odd things may happen and you should be prepared for them. Each person's end of life experience is different. Many just quietly slip away. Others have weird dreams or even nightmares that border on panic attacks. For my father, the nightmares were panic attacks where he would scream and cry out for people. At first, they were only for people who were around him (me, my Mom, my Aunt, etc). In the last few days, he called out and even talked to people who were already dead, like his brother and his Mother (oddly, never his father). The last day or two, he talked to them and there was no more panic. Guess he worked it out and then crossed over.

Make a list of the duties that must be attended to after death. Hospice will help you with that and will know what the procedures are for your state to declare a person as dead. Their body must be picked up and obviously, cremation/burial details completed. The medical apparatus including the hospital bed will be picked up and the medications disposed of/destroyed. These are often regulated medications, so know and follow the procedures. Family and friend notifications must be made, and I suggest an obituary notice be made before death - hard to gather the details of a person's life later (as family members tend to choke up and be unable to give the information you might need).

When the equipment is gone from the room, vacuum it thoroughly to remove the marks in the carpet if it is carpeted, and move the furniture around in the room. I know you don't think it will bother you when someone dies in your house but you will spend weeks afterward walking past or through the room and the conspicuous absence of the person and bed remind you EVERY TIME that they are gone. Throw a table up, boxes, move the couch, whatever. Don't leave the empty space in the room that your Mom's passing will leave in your heart.

Thank you for doing this for her, and prayers/kind thoughts to you in this time.

angela