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IMHO you should leave the son out of it. Don't blame anyone. Just tell her you're done. You're sorry of course but it's just not what you thought it would be and it's not what you want.
Three years co-hab shouldn't be a big issue.
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Si non potes inimicum tuum vincere, habeas eum amicum and ride a big blue trike.
"'Bipartisan' usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out."
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