[Schumi]

A coworker of mine, named Stephen, arrives at work a few weeks ago, a half hour later than I, as has been typical since his kid arrived. Immediately he pulls out a phone picture of his kid, who is now a bit over 1 year old I believe.

Stephen says, very gleefully, "Jacob did XXXX for the first time this morning!" (you can replace XXXX with any number of things; walking, talking throwing a ball, etc).

I said, "Oh nice. I rode my Italian superbike to work for the first time this morning."

Stephen was confused. "What?"

"Oh, I'm sorry," I responded, "I thought we were sharing recent, important moments in our lives with each other. Say Hi to the kid for me."

Stephen went back to his computer with the typical look people give me in these situations.


I have many, many friends and acquaintances with children. Many of you on this board. Everyone loves their children. And I get that. I really do.. I mean... you made people. That's big, that is a noteworthy thing.

But for me, it's absolutely ridiculous and not in line at all with what I want to do with my life, and I'd really love it for someone with a kid to actually realize my point of view and not keep scrutinizing me for 'not understanding' kids. I understand, I understand just fine.

I am fortunate to have a wonderful companion at the moment, who I have spent the last two years with. Sometimes, the want/unwant of children divides young couples. We do not have this issue. She feels exactly the way I do. Every time she sees one of her friend's newborns... she pictures $200,000 in crisp C-notes swaddled up in a blanket. Needless to say our relationship is blossoming. She's into her 30's and so far that biological clock is still saying "F-in NO." and from her character I think it is staying that way.

My parents had a child. Their lives didn't do S*%# after I came along. I really think that they got to a point together in their early lives where they didn't have a lot of money and no major career aspirations, and that is when they decided to have me. I gave them something to do for 17 years. It worked. I'm grateful for their time. But that situation is the last place I want to be going into my 30's. I'm doing a fair bit better. Together as a couple, my S/O and I have a net worth roughly 5x that of my parent's peak while they were both still working in their early 50's. My mother providing entertainment to her only, lonely child by way of yard-sale high school science and mathematics books paid off several thousand fold when my brain paid itself through college. They still supported my ass for it's first 17 years and that is some major selflessness that, given a choice, I won't have to have.

We're evermore pounded by the surrounding couples we know with talk of their children and how we are missing out. I really think there is some psychological reversal happening there. I'm almost thinking people who talk about how awesome their 3 year olds are day in and day out are really just trying to convince themselves they made the right choice in having their kid. It costs a load of dough to raise a kid in this country, and my parents had to live in a relatively lower-class situation due to me versus maybe going out and owning that boat, that new car, that house, that rental property, that new business, etc.

I'm not missing anything. I can love my life without needing to pollute the planet with more of it, so where is my prize? Where is my card in the mail saying "Congratulations on your not having a kid this year!".

Where is the backyard BBQ / shower for my new MV Agusta?




Prose submitted just as a little late reading for you all.

Addendum: For those who will ultimately respond "oh, you'll come around and eventually have a kid or two or three, you wait!" - I reply, I've been on the board for nearly 10 years now. Put some bets on it and check back with me in 10 more years so I can take your money.

-M