Quote:
Originally Posted by bivenator
Time marches on and about three weeks ago it was my Father in Laws time. He passed suddenly due to a massive stroke. Ex Marine, nice guy, terrific father, he is missed.
His wife, (my MIL) has early Alzheimers aged 74, has come to live with my wife daughter and me. I welcomed her and could not see putting her into a home.
My wife is a stay at home mom, daughter is in fourth grade. My wife was looking to rejoin the workforce this year but with this event that will not be possible. Mrs bivenator had some medical issues last year and it is imperative that she work as much debt has accumulated.
Mrs bivenator has 3 siblings, all married and all successful.
MIL estate will be only a few thousand dollars after all debts are settled.
I want the siblings to pay my wife for providing 24/7 care but am unsure of amounts. Any amount would be in addition to the social security that the MIL will receive.
This situation is creating lots of friction between one sister (lawyer with the power of attourney) and my wife.
Any Pelican advice or experience with this type of situation will be much appreciated.
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Sorry to hear this, but good on you and the Mrs. for stepping up. Karma dollars won't work at the grocery store, but will get you lots of goodwill here.
Depending on where you live, an assisted living facility will run what -- $6k - $8K a month? I'd suggest you also reach out to your local Home Instead Senior Care franchise to find out what it'd cost for them to provide in-home senior care for your MIL.
I'm very, very familiar with Home Instead and they have some of the best care in the industry; they specialize in care for seniors with dementia or Alzheimer's. Get an estimate from them of the hourly rates they'd charge.
Armed with these two pieces of information, work out with your siblings-in-law some fair and equal amount of support for their mother -- whether that support is in the form of coming to your home to care for her while the Mrs. is working, while you're on vacation, or just need a break; or if financial support is more appropriate.
At the end of the day, you can't force anyone to assume responsibility for their family's well-being. But starting with a reasonable and rational basis for providing context (e.g., what it'd cost if a 3rd party were to provide) should help. I suppose you could/should also consider whether your MIL would become (for tax purposes) a dependent and work that into the calculations.
Good luck; hope this helps. Let us know how it goes.