[imcarthur]

I don’t know if it is relative but we were faced with the same decision 4 years ago with my wife’s parents. They couldn’t live alone anymore. He recognized it but she went with heels dragging. The three siblings met & one – my wife’s sister - volunteered. We all agreed that she was the best. She had the space where we could build them a basement apartment & she had the right temperament. My wife did not – although it tears her apart every day to admit it. Their brother is the consummate yuppie with new wife & adopted child so he was never in the running. The basement apartment is rural & they look out at a picturesque duck pond.

Long story short: they are still there. Money-wise, my S-I-L gets a fixed amount from their gov’t pension to cover costs. She makes money on it. In other ways as well, but we ignore that. At this point – the parents are 92 & 87 yrs – they still look after themselves day-to-day in the basement apartment. Barely. They seem to have some problem almost every day. They have a support worker who does some of the housework once a week. My S-I-L shops & does the doctor runs but little else. They cook for themselves. We have the parents down ‘for a holiday’ (as he likes to say) 3 or 4 times a year but they increasingly don’t travel well & it is a 2 hour one way drive. My wife is their phone friend. Twice a day. She talks to them more than her sister who lives upstairs. So both sisters have found a role to play.

However, it is becoming very obvious in the last year that my S-I-L & her husband are at their max. The situation has been financial beneficial to them but the emotional toll is growing. And my wife & her sister are in the midst of a take-no-prisoners war. Life goes on . . .

And the smartest thing that her parents did was to divide their cash – their life’s small nest egg – amongst the children 4 years ago when they sold the house. Now that was real wisdom.

Watching our parent’s age & die is heart-breaking but it is up to us to help in the best way that we can.

Ian