[masraum]

The XD compact won't be more compact to grip for folks with small hands. The group of the compact is just as big around as the other XD guns. The group is just shorter so it holds fewer bullets. I like the XD series and have had two.

The Smith and Wesson M&P seriesis also very similar and is, I believe, available with a safety. If you are considering an XD, then you may want to look at an M&P as well. I think both will be hard to find work a traditional safety (thumb lever). They both have trigger safeties. The XDM series has a grip safety. I believe both (base XD and M&P) can have a thumb safety, but I think that's pretty rare.

If you have small hands and the double stack guns seem big to you or the missus, then you may want to check out the M&P Shield which is a single stack 9mm. It has a thinner grip than the others, a trigger safety, a thumb safety, and is $400-$450. It's fairly popular, so you may have to check a few stores or check stores for a couple of weeks to get one.