Okay, so not everything can be fixed, but complain here and maybe someone will answer your problem.
We're only going to talk about 8.1 since it's a free upgrade and has enabled some of these things.
1.) I hate not having a Start button.
Look at the bottom left corner.
2.) I hate booting to the new start screen and want to start on the desktop.
Right click on the taskbar, properties, go to the navigation tab, check the box that says go to the desktop instead of Start.
3.) the Start screen is annoying and jarring.
Go to the same menu as above, check use my desktop background as Start. (this may or may not help, but it's there now)
4.) It's not an Apple.
Oh well.