[onewhippedpuppy]

Very sorry for your loss, unfortunately your experience seems to be typical.

My grandfather passed several years ago, also a sudden and totally unexpected death. My grandmother moved in with my parents pretty much immediately, she was in ok health and reasonably able to take care of herself. The other two siblings of course saw plenty of errors in how my parents chose to take care of my grandmother, but none of them were willing to bring her into their home. She eventually got bad enough after a year that she had to move to a home, dementia had taken hold and she was hallucinating and attempting to leave the house in the middle of the night. She passed a few months ago, in many ways it was a relief. Very similar overall experience, the siblings were far more concerned with grandma's estate than they were grandma, they had eventually acquiesced regarding her moving to a nursing home but were very concerned about the cost (and impact to their estate). It has damaged the family permanently, I personally have little desire to ever visit my extended family. Sad but true, that's how these things always seem to go.

Personally I have zero desire to be a burden to my kids, when the time comes I want to be in some variety of assisted living with as much independence as I can handle. These sorts of things can tear families apart, and I have always believed that you put your immediate family (wife and kids) above all else.