[widgeon13]

I made a brief entry here back a few posts. As mentioned my mother has been in this state for almost ten years. She initially fell and broke her pelvis and then off to recovery and then because of the physical trauma seemed to also transition emotionally and really went downhill fast with dementia. It was a blessing to some extent because she refused to go to a care facility and this gave the path for that transition. She was at a point where she could no longer live alone, falling, leaving the stove on and wandering out of the house looking for my father who had been dead for ten years. It was all very sad and very stressful so a nursing facility was the only solution. I, nor my sister, ever expected this to go on for 10 year but it has. My mother is on seroquel to keep her calm. She has some bad days but most are good. She remembers nothing but can still read everything one puts in front of her. She can not converse and her hearing has failed. If she does not get her seroquel things can get very problematic. She will get very nasty, swear and pull hair and slap so she might need to be segregated from the other residents. I see her monthly since I live three hours away and my sister sees her much more frequently. It's exhausting to visit but I know it is necessary for both myself and my mother.

I actually pray that it ends because my mother would not want to live this way but yet when it ends I know I will be very upset and saddened by her passing. There is no getting out of this world alive and at 101 I think her passing should be more of a celebration of life than a mourning. I have many friends that have gone through the same experience but no one for ten years. I would love to know what she is thinking but that will never be the case. I also wish she could enjoy her great grandchildren but that will never be the case as well. All very sad. We have put all appropriate practices in place to not prolong her life and yet she soldiers on, eating three squares a day and not getting any bad colds or broken bones. In some ways I hope I have some of her good genes but I also know I wouldn't want to be at her point and depend on others to care for me. And so life goes on................