[jcommin]

First, let me say I a empathize with what you are going thru. I have lived thru this as I'm sure other have too. We become our parents parent. Both of my parent were in nursing homes. My dad for about a year - he was lucky. My mom had dementia and lasting 5 years before she died.. Allot of money was spent, care is very costly and the quality of care varies.

I'm lucky because:

I have a brother who was vested in our parents well being. We never fought over anything and we shared the process as painful as it was.

We had a supportive family, As often as I felt alone, my extended family supported our decisions.

I retained a lawyer - I straightened out their estate and made changes. My mom and dad never imagined senior care. They thought they would stay in their home and die of old age.

I got an investment adviser. I made no financial move until I got consultation. He also changed investments that suited my situation. He knew about medicare, ss, and what we could/could not do.

I made a burial plan for the both of them. I did this early on because I anticipated there would be nothing left and what the government allows isn't much.

In the 90's the financial look back was 3 years - I believe it is now 5. If you want to move money, valuables, antiques, etc - be careful.

When my parents became ill, Medicare did not cover in home expenses. We could no longer take care of my mom. It wasn't safe for her or us. She would wander at all hours of the night, turn the oven and stove on, get lost in the bathroom. Short of just tying her down, we were drained. If hurt to finally give up.

Since your dad does not have a spouse, everything he owns can be used to pay bills if/when you come to the decision to put him in a home.

Mike, all the best. I'm sure you will make good decisions.