[BE911SC]

I taught my daughter, a new driver, to look at all cyclists as de facto lawyers who are itching for a fight. Yes, yes, not all cyclists are jerks, etc. Yeah, got it. However, all of them would sue your tail off if given the slightest provocation.

With cyclists taking on a kind of holier-than-thou (and even a victim status*) nowadays, in our relentlessly politically-correct society, one must approach each and every one of them as a potential lawsuit. I joke that most of them are law students or practicing attorneys who know an easy buck when they see one and since many lawyers are cyclists they can influence the public domain by getting such laws passed and strictly enforced. You would also have to assume that the judge hearing your "unlawful crowding of a cyclist" case also rode his bicycle to the court that day.

*Cars are the enemy, especially in crowded cyclist nirvanas such as San Diego, Los Angeles, San Francisco, Seattle, etc. To most cyclists (okay, all cyclists) people who drive cars are, in fact, victimizing cyclists (and pedestrians**) with their huge four-wheeled weapons that emit toxic pollution that threatens the health and well-being of cyclists. Add to that the GoPro cameras on the cyclists' helmets that capture your evil terror weapon coming an inch too close to the threatened cyclist and the next step is a summons. Only the truly fortunate driver will get a finger flipped at them in the rear-view mirror. Consider yourself lucky and go buy a lottery ticket.

You gotta' be careful out there. You'd better give cyclists all the room you can give them or you might get surrounded by them at the next light and your car might get damaged as they take out their self-righteous victim rage on you and your evil terror weapon. (They, of course, drive their BMWs, Volvos and Porsches any way they see fit and don't you dare point that out to any of them.)

**Pedestrians are lower on the victim status list than cyclists. Ever try to cross a busy city street, with the green Walk light, only to have a cyclist almost run you over, the cyclist treating you as if you are some kind of inferior person who needs to watch the f**k out for him next time? Any loser can walk but it takes a special kind of superior being to ride a sophisticated two-wheeled device while clad in only the best and the latest sophisticated gear. Clearly you must see the superior status (and in court it will be victim status) of the modern cyclist. Give them a wide berth or you won't know what the hell happened to you.