[Il Monstro]

Scholars Of Stuttgart, Lend Me Your Ears

I've been debating with myself whether or not to jump into the Porsche Pool.

About two weeks ago I experienced my first mid 80s’ 911 test drive, a Carrera in excellent condition, maintained with dealership service records, 90k, with high performance exhaust and some other Porsche-endorsed enhancements. I've always figured that they possessed an appeal and a driving experience unknown to a peasant like me. Frankly, I can't think of another time I was so completely and totally disillusioned with a car, especially considering I made a serious effort at putting away any preconceived notions or prejudices and wanted to judge it solely on its own merits. I did just that. Afterwards, when my mind would wander back to what these things COST I couldn't even begin to reconcile it; even at a quarter of its price I wouldn't have considered it worthwhile. Frankly, I was at a loss for words. After a second, more aggressive test drive (shifting at much higher RPM's), it was fun at 100 MPH+ when it wasn't scaring the hell out of me with its tendency towards "front lift", especially passing on uphill grades at high speed. I've never driven any car where the front end felt like it lifted up and lost the road like that. Frankly, I cannot for the life of me understand why they're priced so outrageously.

Another friend has an '89 928, that shark-nosed beast is more my style, capable of being driven hard and fast while feeling glued to the road. The prices of the 928's seem far closer to reality as well to me, just in a simple most-Porsche-for-the-money sense. I did not like bolted-in feel of the heavily bolstered seats, though after driving it I saw that it was practical considering the brute power and tight handling. Overall it felt too "twitchy" for me, so hyper-everything that while the driving was fun, the overall experience was EXHAUSTING.

I have now also driven a couple of 944's as well and enjoyed them immensely, more than the 911 or 928. I felt 944 had a superior weight distribution providing precise handling as well as way more power than I'd expected from this "Poorman's Porsche". Styling? I love the rear haunches of the 944 and the long sleek hood; as I said, the 944 is the only Porsche that ever grabbed my eye, before I knew which ones were cheap vs. which were expensive. The 911 always looked to me like a "Gordon Gekko, greed is good" type of car, flashy and status conscious, while the 944 looked like a sleek euro muscle car. Also, to my taste, the styling of the 80's 944 still doesn't look dated; it has a timeless quality. The 911 has a timeless look as well until you get inside; the interior is dated and spare, even cheap looking, my first impression when getting in was "Oh, I remember the Scirroco!". The 944 has a fancier and more roomy interior, excellent ergonomics and of course, the perfect weight distribution. How did Porsche justify a MSRP of $32k base price vs. $22k base price for the 944? In fact, I'm amazed that you can buy such a well-engineered, good looking Euro sportscar like the 944 in great condition for under $5000. I'm very much a Car Guy, I have had more cars at this point than I can literally recall. Overall I prefer the 944 to the 911, so why does one cost (at most) $5k and the other $30k?

While we’re talking Euro cars, I’d like to mention the XJ40 V12 Jaguar from 86-94. Maybe I'm biased but these should sell for at least what the 80's Carreras get. It's a one-of-a-kind car, especially the factory convertibles from 89-93 that had that "timeless" styling and originally cost $55k. The overall build quality, with multiple shock absorbers and suspension providing a 'velvety' ride (I've never felt a ride like that in any other car), the tight and assured handling, the incredibly smooth, powerful and quiet V12, and luxurious yet tasteful interior appointments and materials (real wood and leather, chrome accents, quietly plush and sophisticated) are easily the superior of the $30k 911's. It feels like an "old money" car, no need to blare its exclusivity, as opposed to Rocky's "I went The Distance!" Corvette. The V12 XJS convertible is a car I feel "privileged" to drive.

This brings an interesting thought to mind: I have had several 3000 GT's; two were all stock and one was worked. The stock ones were both a stick and an auto, the worked one (not a VR4) was a stick with a heavy duty clutch as well as some other professionally done mods, it was a lightning bolt. I couldn't believe I was driving a Japanese FWD car, non-turbo with a relatively small V6, That particular 3000 was the most impressive Japanese sports car I had ever driven; stupid fast, nimble, in total control even when pushing it to its limits. Even the stock base models felt more like a true driver's sports car than the 911. The auto trannys even have a OD disable button on the damn shifter (gotta love Japanese design) enabling you to pass with ease even when already doing 80. The "driver's sports car" design of the 3000 is true for handling, acceleration and braking to just the overall, clearly competent sensation of being positioned just right in the cockpit-like driver's seat (naturally with perfect ergonomics, gotta give the Japanese their due) and the car making it clear, "Buckle up, we're gonna have us a GOOD time!" The 3000 GT's, IMO, are a very underrated sports car, especially considering the price; I would take one over a Corvette any day. The Vette might have more brute HP, but the 3000 has that perfectly designed, everything-in-perfect-balance feel that the Vettes NEVER had. Damn, I had my last one (stock, auto tranny) out in blizzards and the thing didn't give me a moment's concern, then once the weather was clear it was back to effortlessly tearing around the parkway like a bat out of hell.

Has anyone driven a late 80's 560SL? It's still got that classic body styling but has more modern technology (electronic FI, etc). The 560SL has the biggest motor of any of the MB roadsters of the 107 body style and the suspension and handling feel like you should be on the Autobahn. It's also got that Jaguar wood and leather interior, understated class and sophistication that gives you that "privileged" feeling. That reaction was precisely what I expected when I got into the 911, I was disappointed to discover it was more like a Scirocco.

In that spirit, I ask you Scholars Of Stuttgart what I am missing as I search for perfect Porsche for me.