[SilberUrS6]

I have been a little busy lately. It seems as though I am some sort of "go to" guy for this particular issue, and I don't know how that happened. I am a chemist, not a mental health professional. I don't know anything about mental health, and will not pretend to know.

Recently, my cousin committed suicide. While this is not remarkable in any broader sense, it was a problem for me in that he was a combat infantry veteran who had some trouble with the VA in getting treatment for PTSD. He felt as though his doctor didn't care about what he saw ans did in Afghanistan and Iraq, and that I was the only guy that actually would listen to what he said. Having never seen combat myself, I didn't understand much of what was going on with him, but I was willing to listen, and if nothing else, sit with him. We were close before he decided to join the Army, and I supported him in his choice to serve. He served four years overseas, and came back completely different. Before, he was fun and jovial, and when he came back, he was serious and frightened. He lived with us for a while, until my wife said "him or me", because she was scared of his anger. His anger wasn't aimed at her, but I understood. I found him an apartment, and tried to help him find civilian employment. He drank a lot to get to sleep at night, and then more in the morning to keep the hangover off. He wouldn't go to bed without a loaded pistol, no matter how much we begged him not to. He'd have nightmares, and we worried a little about that.

Well, a round from that pistol ended his life. Even though I never saw combat, he trusted me with what he saw and did. I don't understand some of it, but I do get that it is something no rational person would ever choose on purpose. I loved my cousin like a younger brother, and am angry that the VA couldn't provide the help he needed. After some of the things that happened after he got back, and when he was living with us, I can tell you that some vets come back very different people. I am glad that I was able to provide him something of comfort when he came back. I am sad that I wasn't able to do more. For all you guys that wear the CIB, I wish I could understand where you're coming from, but at the same time, I wouldn't wish your experiences on my worst enemy. You sacrificed a lot to wear that badge, I know that now.

It makes a lot of stuff seem kind pathetic and stupid in comparison.