[jyl]

Two kids, now one starting college and one starting high school. Daughter went to a private (language immersion) school through middle school, then public high school. Son went private (same school) through grade school then public (arts magnet) for middle school, now starting public high school.

Drugs and alcohol were not a problem through middle school - I mean they were non-existent, a non-issue. That's for my kids and also for my friends' kids, who went to a mix of public and private schools. Some of the kids started to drink alcohol and smoke pot in high school, but it wasn't a problem, in the sense that it didn't mess them up. By the way, some of the most straight-laced kids in high school are now seriously cutting loose in college, stumbling drunk or high every weekend, according to my now-college freshman daughter. They never learned how to control or pace themselves.

Smoking (cigarettes) also wasn't a problem. In high school, a handful of the kids became smokers, but very very few (that is out of a >1,000 kid high school). Smoking is about as uncool to kids now as venereal disease.

Physical bullying wasn't a problem. I heard zero reports of it.

Online bullying was a problem for some of the girls who were in my kids' schools, in at least one case a severe problem. Neither of my kids encountered it. They didn't get on Facebook etc until 8th grade.

Academic pressure, stress, and workload was a problem for my daughter. The private school's homework load in middle school was ridiculous. In 6th grade she was doing 6 hours of homework a night, routinely staying up until 1 am. I thought it was pointless. I don't see that it matters if your kid is on track to do calculus by sophomore year in high school, or not until junior or senior year. That's why we moved the younger child to public school. He had a much better experience.

Video game and/or online video addiction was a problem for both. They still did well in school, had lots of activities, were well-rounded kids, etc. But it was a constant struggle to control the hours they spent on the computer, to get them to stop "multitasking" (doing homework while listening to music and watching Netflix and keeping up with several text conversations).

Social anxiety and insecurity was a problem for my daughter, but she grappled with it and got through. Not a problem for my son.

I did get to know some of their classmates who were kind of messed up. In every case that I can think of, the problem was their parents. One girl would get out of theater rehearsal at 10 pm and then have to walk in the dark to a bus stop and make her way home in the rain, because her wealthy parents couldn't be bothered to pick her up, nor to show up for her performances or anything else, or even to get her a cab. For high school, they shipped her off to boarding school in England. She really has the parental cards stacked against her, and it shows.

I also know a young girl, now in high school, whose mother was homeless as a teenager, never went to college, and now works at a minimum wage job and just barely makes ends meet. That girl is growing up great, doing well in a "tough" high school and training in an intensive dance program (her desired career is as a choreographer), well-adjusted, on track for a college scholarship, growing up into one of the most beautiful young women I've ever known. Money helps, being in a fancy school can help, but those are minor things compared to the parents, genetics, and luck.