[msk1986911]

How do you tell someone the gift those chose and are very excited about, it not viewed the same by the recipient?

Backstory: My brother, with whom I am not that close, lost his wife about 1.5 years ago. Through a series of really bad life choices, their house was lost to a foreclosure just before his wife passed away (consistently taken advantage of by her family for handouts, when they could have lived comfortably otherwise). Since my sister-in-law died, my brother (no kids, fortunately) has been living in a trailer park and subsists on survivor benefits from his wife (he has been on disability for years…don't get me started about that), Fast forward to now: for Christmas he decided to buy each of my kids rather expensive gifts (about $140 per).

My brother was over for dinner yesterday and gave my kids (19 & 22) their gifts, which they both graciously accepted. Today I asked them if they will use their gifts and was told that they would not (no reservation; no hesitation).

My dilemma is, should I be frank and tell him the reality of the situation or let him think he did a really good thing? What I'd like to say, but am reluctant to, is that the gifts were excessive and that he should spend the money on fixing his place to make it more livable. My hesitation is I know he is really excited but I don't want to see the gifts go to waste and am also reluctant to quash someone who has self-esteem issues as well. I really wish I could have preempted this by imposing a spending limit.

Any thoughts?

Thanks

Mike