Quote:
Originally Posted by scottmandue
I know a lot of you are "just talk to them logically" but not all families operate on logic... especially when the parents are advanced in years and may have started to deteriorate mentally.
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I do a small bit of volunteer work at a care facility.
Just
an outside visitor with
strangers. And not a Pro.
The very best of Pros I've seen worn down by the simplest and smallest situations.
Standing too close to the fire for too long.
The Pros have their own problems in life and their own needs.
Help them and they will help you.
There are different ways to deal with different situations:
1). "NO NO NO NO. I DONT WANT THAT. NO!!!!"
a). Arguing and logic returns
zero results everytime. Don't even try. Don't fight them. Your own frustration at not getting results will only make it worse. The walls build up and then everyone loses. You need to connect and get them talking about their concerns and fears. Ask questions. Change up the game.
b). This is a basic fight for human respect, but childishly tantrums manifest in any type of daily scenario and at any time.
c). This is basic resistance to change combined with the complete loss of self control and self determination. Especially in a new environment. You would feel the same way.
I've seen "the inner beast" calmed with tasks/games to stimulate and distract along with buckets full of personal attention and love. Even when 'completely gone' they still understand there is a new game afoot in life and they still have a chair waiting for them at the table. The negative resistance is replaced with smiles and wanting to join in.
2). Looping delusions..
a). One person wanted/needed a lot of attention saying
"Miss? Miss? Miss?" 24/7.
b). One person thought there was a small child constantly calling them for help on the invisible telephone.
c). One person liked to announce stories of what food they liked, how nice their spouse was, and what he/she would do in a situation.
d). One person would ask
"Where am I, how many children do I have, what are their ages, do they come see me, how old am I, where am I?"
This would loop again and again and again and again. I was completely exhausted after only five minutes of it. Realistically, I couldn't deal with that as a career 40-60 hours a week.
Answer their basic questions as best and honestly as possible. Keep it simple. If their spouse has been long-dead tell them
"they are not here right now" or some simple answer that works. I've tried to "go with the flow" and resorted to small-lies a couple of times but then got the looks from staff.
Comment on how nice they look today. And did they get their hair done recently? Did they read a nice book recently? What is new with their lives? What would they like later for dinner?
Get them out of the loop if possible.
If they need to rest, let them rest.
You should take a rest as well.
3). Logistic problems
a). Safe proof the house: Take knobs off stoves and put gates on stairwells. Falls are often fatal.
b). Med-Alert or other call systems.
c). Easy micro meals.
d). Other.
(To note:
Everything posted above is my limited wisdom
with strangers.
As a confession I didn't know how to deal with my own father's demise properly.
I'm still learning.
A child vs. parent role-reversal scenario is an entirely different ball game.
There will be very old and established emotional walls existing.
They are significant.
These personal feelings must be completely shattered and rebuilt from scratch.
Let the pro do his/her job and bite your tongue for a while.
That is the best way to provide care to a parent.)