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She will only change when she hits bottom, rather like an alcoholic who finally admits that they have a drinking problem. It's going to be a rough road getting to that point, and she will probably alienate everyone close to her in the meantime, but you must distance yourself and your family from this toxic woman.
My daughter's boyfriend's mother is very much the same....she rules the roost and dictates who the family is allowed to talk to, and has decided that she doesn't like my strong willed daughter and has already tried to split them up and speaks bad about her always.
Try to get your dad alone for some serious one on one talking, and find out what his intentions are, and maybe give him some options. But be sure to tell him to get his financial affairs in order just in case mom decides to take everything and start slinging false accustations about your dad in order to make him sound like the bad guy.
Good Luck.
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