[onewhippedpuppy]

You have to control the relationship. You determine when she visits and how long she stays. You stand up for yourself in conversations. You ask her to leave when she gets out of line. Even to the point of telling her that she's not welcome at your home, or to see your family. Ultimately you have to put your own sanity, and the sanity of your wife and kids, as the top priority.

My mom is the nicest person that you'll ever meet. She can also be pretty damn annoying. She worked for her father since she was a teen. She lived next door to her parents for most of my childhood. I probably saw my grandmother almost daily as a kid. So of course she expected to have the same life when I had kids. If I didn't say no she would be at EVERYTHING, and would probably have already moved closer to us. That would have a seriously negative impact on my family, because we enjoy having our own time as well. So I've had to set boundaries and say no a LOT. It can be hard doing that with your mother, especially when she lays on the guilt trip, but my family comes first.