Originally Posted by 911SauCy
The list is exhaustive... but to answer a number of other questions first:
-She has always been like this, but it has become noticeably worse in time, especially the last couple years.
-By definition, she is exhibiting early signs of Dementia, but my dad doesn't want to be hear about it and her 2 responses to my having a serious sit down conversation about it were, 1: The middle finger 2: Her walking away amid responding with "bite-me, you're out of your mind"
-I don't want to cut her off but I feel more recent actions are leaving me with fewer options
-I will be supporting dad where/when he needs it
To Tabs...you asked...
-Mom has always been like this, before my time, her brothers recently helped me understand their strained relationship with her..as have other family members that I am now close with but was never allowed to interact with as a child.
-Mom's dad was the center of her universe, he died at 56 of lung cancer, she was 21. Her big brother was next to dad's godliness, he went away to Vietnam, came home with a bride...mom hated her bc she's a "whore" from day 1.
-Mom was always convinced it was her brother's "job" to care for her after her father died...small problem, she was already an adult. Perhaps she should have laid off the drugs and not associated with a bad crowd, could have helped her direct herself in a more positive direction.
Dad is a Saint, he was verbally and physically abused as a child. So, armed with a low self-esteem he meets this crazy party girl through a friend who wants to bang and "live-life". At this time dad was an engineer and making $$, mom was in love with the life style and turned into a stage-5 clinger. Dad didn't see this and thought he had the catch of a lifetime. That was the beginning of the end for him... He could have worked to control things as they developed in time but decided to not create turmoil, frankly, I think he was afraid to lose her. I lightly jest, but it';s true that my dad hasn't been allowed to speak for himself in 34 years. She is over bearing, loud, rude, and obnoxious...and my dad's personality is to take the path of least resistance. That has snowballed into her completely controlling him.
I love her, despite the crazy I wouldn't be me without either of them. That's why I care. The real issue is the extremity of her lunatic behavior has exponentially increased in the last couple years.
I'm like her in that I'm direct, pointed, motivated, uphold others to standards I hold myself to. Like dad in that I will sometimes take a back seat to my wife, who is strong/intelligent but very level headed and reflective. I will take a back seat when I think her ideas/practices are better than mine. We have complimentary relationship, where my parents come across as one person, mom.
FWIW, it's insulting that your question insinuates that I don't know who my parents are.
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