[LWJ]

True Story.

I am virtually unable to stop my smart-alecky side from coming out when the “Windows Technical Center” people call.

“Simon,” had very broken English, informed me that he was from Windows Technical Center and that my computer was hacked. I was ecstatic! I told him that my computer was horribly slow and this must explain it! I was so very happy that he had called and thanked him a few times. He told me to go to Google. I told him my computer was so slow that I had turned in off for a few days and needed to turn it on. While my computer turned on, I asked him if he liked music. I told him that I played in “Hells Belles,” an AC/DC cover band that wore women's clothing. We knew three songs but were working on Hot for Teacher, which was a Van Halen song with an awesome drum solo at the start.

Somewhere in there, he asked me to go to Google again. I told him that I saw control-alt-delete. He patiently explained for me to press all three at the same time. I then said that I needed to input my password “Hellz.” He was passionate that I NOT tell him my password, even though I just had. So I told him again.

He asked me if my name was XXXXXX. I said yes, but call me Angus, that was my stage name. And shouted ANGUS YOUNG a few times. I told him that was what we did on stage. He and I worked with the pronunciation of Angus. He wanted to say Angeles.

Incidentally, I had this conversation with my 13 yr old son in the same room. He had been playing TNT by AC/DC, an inspiration for my cover. I was nowhere near a computer and don't own any windows machines FWIW.

Simon asked me what I saw. I told him some very large bells, like the band! He said “balls” and I got pretty excited. “Simon, what a great idea! AC/DC has a song about big balls! We could put balls on our drum head! I sort of went off on that for a while. Perhaps too long.

I then asked Simon if he knew Hot for Teacher? He said he was a big fan, but I think he was faking. I told him how the drum solo at the start always sounded to me like a muscle car with a super lumpy cam. Then I gave my imitation of the solo and told him I didn't think our drummer was up to it.

I spoke quietly into the phone and asked Simon if the call was confidential and told him what caused the woes on my computer. “Simon, it all started when I looked at pornography.” I mentioned something about barnyard animals. I told him how I had an affinity for men and animals. This may have been a tactical error.

Next I heard a far different voice come on. I asked where Simon was. This was “Ryan,” a take charge sort of fellow. I told him a bit about Hells Belles and my Band. Ryan wasn't nearly the listener that Simon was. He mentioned something regarding male genitalia. And then he strung some other words that were not safe for church together into a sentence that was not quite grammatically proper. I recollect the word “bastard” being used. Ryan then hung up on me.

My son and I looked at each other and roared with laughter.

Thought you might enjoy this.

Larry