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Once a week is a minimum, but I'm usually after it every day. 
After 50 don't be too shy to go get some lube.
Gals are often too embarrassed so likely you will have to do the deed.
If she is totally off her feed she needs to at least talk to her doctor.
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Coconut oil - it's life changing. As for frequency ... 3x daily with my mistress, my girl friend is only around now and then but normally every time I see her. The wife - not in 10 years.