[Porsche-O-Phile]

I have to agree with some of the above but not all. My earlier point was similar to what motion suggested (minus the detached-from-reality smugness) -that is, if one doesn't like their situation they usually can do something to change it (or they can piss and moan about it on an Internet forum I suppose). I don't have much respect for those who do the latter. If it's that bad, leave. Simple.

Most of us have made choices (albeit within parameters - something motion doesn't really seem to understand) to end up where we are. Within certain boundaries we are empowered to change ourselves and our situations. We likely should if we're really unhappy where we are. That part he's right about and I can agree with. The part he doesn't seem to get is that not all of us have the same degrees of freedom to snap our fingers, change our lives and have it have minimal consequences to us - financially and otherwise. It takes much more planning, calculation and stomach for risk.

We're not all so lucky - most of us can't just up and leave our jobs without it having unacceptable consequences for ourselves and the others who depend on us - potential homelessness, joblessness / loss of income, resultant severe financial difficulty, loss of health insurance coverage, loss of contact with family or friends, loss of seniority at our jobs / having to start over and be the "new guy" somewhere, unacceptable changes to our lifestyles, whatever... So a lot of people stay in situations they don't like but they do so because the big picture dictates doing so (i.e. the alternatives are determined to be untenable). As long as one performs an honest assessment periodically in their life about what's important to them and where they're going, if they conclude that staying put really is preferable to the difficulty and uncertainty of making a move elsewhere I can certainly respect that. As long as they're thinking about it and being honest / true to themselves, fine. I can't respect someone just staying put where they're unhappy "just because" or for convenience or because it's what someone else (spouse, S.O., etc.) has decided is best for them. Yes, you ARE in control and the decision has to be YOURS. Yes, how it affects others is a real factor but at the end of the day it's your life - not theirs. If you decide your happiness is more important than being with them, so be it. Hard for sure, but honest.

I just don't like hearing people whine and complain. It accomplishes nothing. If you don't like your situation, change it. If you decide you can't because it's not worth it, also fine, but at that point you own the decision and shouldn't be whining about it. Suck it up. Others have it much worse. Many would be jealous of your problems. That goes for any of us, not just the OP

This resonates with me because it just so happens I'm in a situation like this now as I prepare to leave this area for new opportunities. The GF wants us to be together, but only if I stay here. That's not an option and I've made it known it isn't. I don't want to stay in New England or anywhere in the northeast for that matter anymore. This last winter made me realize what I'd been suspecting - I just don't think it's worth it and I don't really like it here. So I've thrown it back on her - I'm going to do what I need to and it's her call how she wants to react to it: she can discuss it with me and we can compromise and come with me somewhere where we'll both be reasonably happy or she can decide to end things and stay here without me because I refuse to stay somewhere I know I won't ever really be happy. If she really loved / cared about me she'd do he former, so it's "rubber meets the road" time. She doesn't get to have it both ways. IMHO two people being happy apart is preferable to one person being happy and one being miserable together. It's my choice and ultimately how she reacts (be part of the decision or not) is hers. So we're moving on apart most likely . So be it. Point is, I assessed my situation and am doing something to change it - painful though parts of it might be. It beats sitting around *****ing and whining about it