Finally clearing up and supposed to gradually get a bit warmer this week but unfortunately not like last week. Last week was pretty awesome - sunshine and in the 80s every day.
Thanks to all who have expressed concern - I've had a lot of the same thought process over the last few months (i.e. "what do I want out of life?", "what will make me happy?", etc.). Good questions - the kind that often leads to more questions than answers.
I'm a bit of a private person and I don't like sharing a lot of personal details to other people - particularly online - but I'll give it a shot here and see what you guys think. I respect the opinions and input of the folks here more than most. Generally I think PPOT is home to a lot of really bright, right-side-of-the-bell-curve sort of people with generally good outlooks and what-not, so I'll share a few thoughts and see what y'all have to say:
Truthfully I've got it pretty good here. I've got a very good job and I've no doubt I could stay here until a comfortable retirement. I own my own place, I've got some family resources nearby and do reasonably well for myself, particularly in wake of what happened in CA a few years back (more on that in a moment). My biggest problems here are that I get SADS (Seasonal Affective Disorder) really, really, REALLY badly. I've always viewed it as sort of an "it's all in your head" sort of thing, one of those BS "fake" diseases, etc. but I have to say it's quite real - cold weather turns me into a REAL a-hole (more than usual). I've done a few different therapies which kinda' help but don't entirely. I've been told that the best thing for me would be to get out of here and I totally agree. I grew up (if one dares label me as "grown up"
) out here and all through my childhood I hated it. I was sick every winter from about November to about May, I went through wild mood swings from summer (Doctor Jeckyll) to winter (Mister Hyde). First chance I got (turned 18, college) I got the hell out of here, moved to Florida and did my school there. There were plusses and minuses but generally I liked it a lot better than here, Flori-DUH-isms aside. Despite that, I ended up moving back here for an internship post-college (jobs in FL sucked and the pay was dismal - about half of the northeast typically, plus I had a girl here I was after, etc.) I worked there about two years, had a bead on a permanent management position (CAD/GIS Manager for a major government agency when it was still a young technology and I was the proven young hotshot "wunderkind" - they sort of made the position for me but I didn't go after it, having already decided to go off to graduate school).
I also just didn't (and still don't) like the culture here at all - it's very provincial. People are rude and snooty. I have no desire to become a "townie" here to fit in like 90% of the folks here are. I have absolutely ZERO desire to spend the rest of my life here. None. I'd consider it a wasted life. IMO nobody really "lives" here anyway, they just kind of exist, go through the motions waiting for death to eventually take them. I don't want to live like that. I ain't done. Also as much as I like my job I've got a bit of a hangup about it - I got the interview for it because of a family connection and while I've been told repeatedly that it wasn't a factor (I got asked on my interview, "are you related to so-and-so", so I wonder if they knew ahead of time or not) and I've been promoted twice since getting there, I still wonder if it's because they really wanted me or because cultural decorum around here demands that one do favors for friends when asked. I sorta' want to know for sure that I'm making it 100% on my own merit. I might be, but I wonder sometimes...
Anyway, back to the story - I did my grad. school (architecture) in Chicago. Not much to say about it. I got a good education and it was worth it but when I graduated in 1999 I had no interest in staying there. Moved west, did a three-month extended camping trip / walkabout with interviews in different cities and landed in L.A. - had some great times, met some great people, etc. Fell in love with CA and the culture, weather, etc. The job sucked as it turned out (pigeonholed as a CAD guru again). I left after a year and did indy work while I went back to pursue my once-dream of flying commercially. I flight instructed out of SMO for a year and a half then got hired flying cargo, did that for two years, really liked it. I was also building a few clients doing some consulting / "CAD monkey" work on the side. This was post-9/11 so career progression in the aviation industry wasn't too great (still isn't). I loved the work but I wasn't making any money, wasn't getting ahead, wasn't feeling fulfilled, etc. So I went back to doing architectural work full-time to make better money and to use the (expensive) education I'd bought more directly. That wasn't too bad. I missed (and still do!) the flying, but I don't miss wondering how I was going to pay rent every month, much less how I was ever going to afford my own place, etc. But at least I can say I got to do it for a while! It was a blast while I did - no regrets.
(Yes, I'm going somewhere with this...)
Did pretty well through the 2000s and things were looking pretty bright but in 2008 the economy imploded. In 2009 I got laid off. That was the singly worst experience I've ever gone through. Every gain I'd made from the early 2000s to then was wiped out in a few short months. There were NO - I mean NO prospects anywhere in CA at that time. I met with lots of people, tapped all the contacts I had (the ones that were still employed themselves) and there was NOTHIN'. I don't know how well any of you remember how rotten and scary 2009 was, but it was very, very bad. I'm still digging out from that hole. I had a lead from a family member back here on the east coast so I flew out here in March of '09 and met with a few people, did a couple of interviews and heard nothing until August. Finally got a formal offer from one of the places I'd talked with that spring and made the decision to move (begrudgingly - I didn't really want to come back here truthfully, even though I'd really soured on CA by that point) simply to survive. I've been here since.
Now the economy is doing a bit better. I actually see postings for people in my field, I've done a few interviews, etc. Part of me would like to go back to CA (San Diego, possibly NorCal / SF Bay) but I'm concerned about history repeating. LA sucked. Never again. All the effed-up things in CA that I was happy to leave are unfortunately still there, probably worse - too many people, too high taxes, too unaffordable housing, too screwed-up liberal government, too many restrictions, anti-business climate, yada-yada. I could probably live with those to a point (did once!) but it would have to be in the right area (like I said, SF, SD, maybe NorCal). I've also considered FL and TX but I don't think I'd get the kind of salary I want - many of my bills / expenses do not "index" for where I live (housing and utilities / groceries do, ditto private school for kids if desired, things like that - but I am still paying off a schitepile of debt run up during 2009 just to survive and that stuff can be paid with "cheap" dollars from a place like Boston, NYC or LA or "expensive" dollars from a lower-salary place like TX or FL. Conundrum #1.
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