[Porsche-O-Phile]

(continued from above post since evidently I can't shut up...)

Conundrum #2 is what I want out of life. I'd like to eventually go into practice for myself. I feel like I was making good progress towards that goal in 2008-9 and that dream got blasted during the recession and in no small part due to California's anti-entrepreneur culture, tax structure, etc. I've got a bit of a chip on my shoulder about it. I want to pick up where I left off and make it happen, but again - I don't want to go back to LA, probably not ever. I also want to feel like I'm living somewhere I enjoy. Here, I don't. Half the year it just plain sucks. You trudge to work and trudge home, go to bed and try to not freeze to death. I bloody well hate that part, even if the during-the-day / job part is fine. Why pay full fare to live half a life? You only live once, right?

I've also seriously been looking at Honolulu / Hawaii. There are actually a lot of opportunities there but it's damn nearly impossible for a mainlander to get hired unless you get on with a big multi-state / multinational sort of outfit and / or transfer there. I've considered doing that too. My current employer (big development / CM firm) is local to the northeast so I'd have to leave. I could leave and go "cold turkey" hoping to find something when I'm there, but that could (likely "would") put me back in a hole of the sort I've been trying to dig out from after being out of work for a year back in 2009. Yes, it'd be a better life, but it still sucks when you have a mountain of bills and can't ever NOT be stressing about money. Kind of ruins the lovely days and the kickass beach culture.

The final complication (for now) is that my parents are in their so-called "golden years" (dad just had a heart attack and stroke last year and mom is struggling with declining health, chronic illnesses, etc.). I don't want to feel like I'm "ditching" them. I am able to get down and see them maybe once every week or two and help out, which I know they appreciate. As much as I hate it here I'd feel a certain amount of guilt in leaving them to go do my own thing - even though that's what kids are supposed to do, no? I've told myself to go and then convince them to come (it'd probably do them good and add a few years back on their clocks versus staying here) but would that really happen? Unknown.

So there it is. I really am kinda' done with the northeast. I just don't want to spend the rest of my life dealing with crappy days, having to fix all the stuff that gets broken / ruined every winter, getting ripped off by scumbag energy companies who gouge everyone for heat, all that. If I could take this job and pop it in somewhere with the climate of a TX, HI, CA, AZ or FL I think I'd be thrilled - I could continue to do the great work I do, feel satisfied, kick butt in my career, keep chipping away making financial progress and actually still have a life outside of work. That's I think what I'm looking for most. Here (I observed this in Chicago too back when I lived there) it seemed like people really define themselves by their jobs since the weather is so terrible there isn't much else to do - you just go to work, go home, try to not cuss the cold and endless dreariness too much, rinse, lather repeat... I like my work and I like my career, but I also like the stuff I (used to) do outside of work. I'm a multi-dimensional kind of person and I think that makes me not really fit in here. You're expected to just be a good little lemming, accept mediocrity, eat your gruel and stop all that silly dreaming about better lives and thoughts of making something of yourself beyond the "forbidden zone". It's like being in quicksand a little.

Okay, flame away. I might add more details depending on the comments / suggestions that come back but I think I've shared enough pertinent info. for now.