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I just want to add that a lot of what Porsche-O-Phile has written could just as easily be written by me. It's led to one major mental breakdown 13 years ago, and then out of nowhere again 6 months ago.
Therapy is good, and as stated, the first one you try may not be the right one.
I've become more open about this in the recent past, unlike how I handled it 13 years ago. This is because some of my actual problem was feeling ashamed to have the feelings/emotions that I have. Your mind is capable of great things, and terrible things unto itself.
I've come to learn that applying logic to feelings is not workable. I've come to learn that the causes of anxiety/depression are multivariate, and that's why a good therapist can help. The truth about therapists is different than I would have imagined. I imagined getting hypnotized, or having them teach you special coping mechanisms, and how to feel better. Instead, you just talk a lot. They just kind of steer the discussion. A lot of days I feel like I wasted an hour. And some of the time, I might. But over time, they help you to more accurately analyze your feelings, your motivations. I'm learning a lot lately. And I had been feeling pretty good for a couple of months, and just this past week had a real backwards step. But I think that I will get back from it more quickly because I've learned how to analyze myself better.
Motion is the kind of guy I need to become, and it is easier said than done. I need to spend more time thinking about everything that is right, which is a TON. I have a friend at work who is my idol- someone will give him **** at a meeting, and afterwards he will be like "Can you believe that guy? What a dick! Lets get lunch". And that's it- it just rolls off of him. I have a lot to work on.
Porsche-O-Phile, if you ever want to talk specifics about therapy or medications, PM me. Happy to maybe help someone else get to the other side more quickly than I did.
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