[Porsche-O-Phile]

Stay strong and don't give up! You have a good mind and heaven knows we need more of those in the world. You absolutely can contribute in a positive way but not if you give up on yourself. It sounds like you may benefit from talking to someone about depression as well. It's not a sign of weakness - depression is very real and I've been through it. A failed relationship, a layoff, near bankruptcy, losing a house and a forced cross-country move for a job I didn't really want so that I could do what I could to take care of a new baby a few years ago - all at pretty much the same time did me in. I got suicidal a few times. It can be a bad, dangerous, scary spiral to get into. One minute you're fine and the next you're plumbing the depths of negativity and despair. Please go talk to someone. Get well. Get motivated and excited about something - for me lately it's been surfing. It's changed my life - no BS. For you it could be anything. Get up and on with life! No matter how old you are or how much you've done there's always something new and exciting to discover. Another thing that helped me a lot (and still does) is 30 minutes of meditation a day - no excuses. It really does help.

Remember your best day below ground will be never be nearly as good as your worst one above it! Stay on the right side of the grass!