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4 MD's on this Board have concurred. Go get a 2ND opinion. Then you will have a clear picture of the cards that you have in your hand.

As for your mental state, well that is a whole different animal now isn't it? This is the 2ND time that you have dropped this one into the mix. I don't find you to be so much cynical, but realistic and what u see in turn disgusts you. There is an impotence or a nothing you can do about it mentality, so it is all beyond your control. Apparently you don't like things being out of your control, perhaps you haven't realized that in life you can not even control when you have to take a dump. So like a child in a fit of pique/despair you want to cash in the chips. The truth of the matter is that there are things that are in your purview that you can ameliorate.

Now why exactly do you think that I spend so much time talking about chaos? It makes life into a joy ride down the highway at 95 mph.(ohhh that doesn't mean there aren't some scary turns out there though) What a fking kick it is to be able to maneuver about without constraints.* I am free. To get to that point you have to delve into that ball of string known as your precepts or narrative and unwind it. So some self examination is in order and for that some guidance to keep you on track is not only helpful but necessary.

And some people say I am so pessimistic, well ain't the joke on them.

* Every man has his constraints or limitations, if you have a tweaked out 100 HP motor under the hood, then that is what you have to work with. It is called maximization of the 100 HP though.