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My 2 cent:
What masraum said,"It may be that since you are close to his wife that gives you a connection to the family that others don't have."
Then tell him what you said above, "when I was visiting he made it very clear I wasn't welcome in "his" home."
Followed with hey dude it sames odd you are reaching out to me.
See how he responds.
This way you are being up front. And tell him you don't hold grudge.
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