[Nostril Cheese]

I'm in Seattle this evening with one of my best friends. She finally managed to get some sleep.

Her brother died on Thursday and the first thing she did was call me. Drove up and spent the rest of the day holding her, trying in vain to comfort her as she cried. That kind of vulnerability doesn't come easy to her.

She's one of the most amazing people I've ever known. Army officer, PhD in Sociology, freakishly smart, occasional pin-up model, nerdy, beautiful, caring, totally BADASS.

I met her a very long time ago, clicked instantly and developed a thing. I dropped her off at the airport when she left to teach overseas for years. I picked her up when she returned. She picked me up from the airport when my father died. She took some of his ashes home to the Netherlands. Over the years, we had a few flings, but moved on to others with the pre-requisite "I'll kill you if you hurt him/her" speech to the potential mate.

Two people in love with each other - more than friends but not a couple as our lives are on very different paths. I don't know that there is a defined word for this situation. I'm not upset about it, but it's making me think a lot about what love really is. I know it kills me to see her in pain. We talked a lot about strength and vulnerability, (difficult for both of us).

Her father, an retired Navy submariner (and very salty) told me today that he always liked me and "approved". We had a very long discussion about nuclear subs, naval tactics, boxing etc.. I'd like to think I helped him somewhat by listening.. Brilliant guy.

I don't know why I'm sharing this here. Perhaps you guys have a perspective on this. Maybe I'm just now considering the rarity of these sorts of relationships. The weekend just really shook me up thinking about love and what it really is.. I'm ok with never being with her. Just makes me wonder if I could.

I've been on my own for a little while here. The wife and I had been having some trouble and decided to split. It wasnt an easy choice, but the right one. No anger or anything. Sometimes you just fall out of love. It does hurt. I've been spending a lot of time getting myself right again.. investing, lost a ton of weight, playing in a couple different bands..

It's just kinda odd to be the single 37 year old guy when at parties and such..