[sammyg2]

While she was "flying" down the road yesterday, a woman passed
over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side
lying in wait.
The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, with
that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, "What's
your hurry?"
To which she replied, "I'm late for work."
"Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?"
I'm a rectum stretcher," she responded.
The cop stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?"
Well," she said, "I start by inserting one finger, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in. I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely
stretch it, until it's about 6 feet wide."
"And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot *******?" he asked.
"You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge!"

A blonde phoned police to report that thieves had been in her car. "They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator," she cried out.
However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time and the same voice came over the line. "Never mind, I got in the back seat by mistake."

lol