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Originally Posted by notfarnow
man, I can relate to so much of this. Well put.
I like to think I'm on the upswing now, and I'll say this: *Everything* is different now, and it's been my job to make sure that at any fork in the road, I make things BETTER than they were before. I think it's made me more accountable, especially to myself.
One of the nicest changes is that I find it a lot easier to eatablish and maintain clearer boundaries expectations with relationships. That alone has been a huge game changer.
It's a rough go, but it can be like hitting "reset". How you rebuild is up to you. Once you have your head on straight, that part can be pretty exciting.
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Well said notfarnow and pavulon. It is great that both of you can express your feelings so readily. I would like to add Lee that when a partner says that he/she wants out it can be a complete surprise. In my case in my first marriage it was me that wanted out and I left.
It was likely devastating for my first wife but I was not happy. Do I blame my first wife? No as I say to myself we were not right for each other. A coworker said after the fact that she knew it was not going to work! I met my second wife a few weeks after I split up with the first. Some would say too soon but it has worked well for my current wife and I. I say to you Lee hang in there. Do not blame yourself. I never went for counselling but I talked to some coworkers instead. I still recommend a councilor. Hang in there as it will get better in time.