[Porsche-O-Phile]

A mediator will not tell you that (and they I don't think are even allowed to). A lawyer will - a decent one should be able to not just recite what the law says but provide insights into what - based on actual experience - your likely outcomes are if you go to trial. In my brother's case he was told point-blank that he was likely to lose everything and get walloped with "child support" (har-har - more like "play money for the ex"), alimony, loss of the house, kids and pretty much everything else. He is a smart guy but naively / stupidly thought fairness and common sense would prevail. Big mistake - one he'll be paying for that one for the rest of his life. Trust me, as a male, the results of any trial won't be good for you. If you won't listen to a bunch of guys with anecdotal evidence on the Interweb (and in fairness you probably shouldn't - do your own homework), you should talk to an attorney who might be able to convince you with some statistics - maybe you'll listen to them...

In any case, lawyer up now and spend an hour or two really listening to him or her. You sound like a nice guy but one who desperately needs to have your proverbial head dunked in ice water to sober you up to the reality that you will be lucky to get out of this process with a pot left to to piss in. Deciding who gets some place mats and measuring cups isn't the hard stuff (although some people do spend hours fighting over pettier things than that, so it's good you at least got that much settled). However, wait until you start deciding who gets the tens of thousands of dollars in so-and-so's annuity or who has the right to so-and-so's life insurance policy value, who gets the equity in the house or the cars or who gets the kids and when. Wait until you find out she intends to keep the kids on every holiday and if you don't like it, too damn bad. Think you'll be so agreeable then? Sooner or later you're going to run into something about which you will not be so agreeable then and at that point she will lawyer up (if she hasn't already, which I'd bet she has) so if you don't you'll already be at an even bigger disadvantage.

You're a smart guy. Don't be stupid about this - get a lawyer. Now. I can guarantee she has one or very shortly will. If she says she doesn't, don't believe her. She does. As of this moment you cannot trust a single word she ever says to you ever again. She is lying to you, she has been lying to you and she will continue to lie to you as long as you're dumb enough to let yourself be put at a disadvantage and exploited by it. She no longer cares about what happens to you, I've got news for ya'. "De Nial" ain't just a river in Egypt, my man. You need a guide. Get one. Please.