[NY65912]

I (61 yo) have thought about death ever since I threw 5 pulmonary emboli post spine surgery. I felt cold and a slipping away feeling before the treated me. It was such a traumatic event that I feel into a depression and had really bad anxiety. Every time I felt a pain or a strange feeling I was convinced I was going to die.

I saw a psychologist and explained my problem. It so happens that he had bad stroke a few years prior and had first hand knowledge of the same feelings.

Basically he explained,
1 - We have no control over when, how or where we pass.
2 - One must accept one's mortality.

My grandson was born almost 7 months ago. I saw every stage of development. This is what I learned.

We start out as nothing. We develop and somewhere during our development either it is inserted or it somehow develops in us or "being", our consciousness, our awareness. When this occurs I do not believe we know. BUT, where there was nothing there is now something.

So, we come from the void and go back into the void. We have no recollection of anything before.

Look at it this way. When we sleep (unless we dream) we have no idea that we are sleeping. We are back in the void. When we undergo anesthesia we have no idea where we are. It all goes dark, and it ain't so bad. There is no sense of consciousness, we seize awareness for a time.

I feel the real problem is our refusal to leave this place. our loved ones, and will try to hold on no matter what. We are like a child, afraid of the dark, afraid of the unfamiliar. The battle ensues within. There lies the problem. Our internal and instinctive survival mechanism which controls us.

I have, after much work at becoming more accepting of death as a natural part of our lives, feel that, "we come we go."

Believe me, I understand the fear of dying. But when the time comes, we are along for the ride. I asked my 93 year old father what his thoughts were on death. He is truly the last man standing of his family and friends. He said that he was no longer afraid to die, and it was natural.

Fastfred, my condolences on your loss.