[JavaBrewer]

For the first time, yes.

I am dealing with my demented and medically challenged parents right now. The only son, no siblings. Yes that was a brief selfish plea for condolences. My apologies.

Just a few years ago my parents were confident, strong, and aging. They thought they were in control of their end. Now, they don't know if it's daytime or night.

This morning my Mom threatened to kill herself by jumping off their 3rd story balcony. I moved them into assisted living last year to be close to me. She is a 40 year alcoholic who is miserable with her lot in life and suffering dementia. Dad is a stubborn delusional man who is insulin dependent also suffering from dementia but thinks he is wealthy. Mom held the purse strings all those years but when she gave in to the bottle that all went away. Dad recently blew all their savings, investments, and land holdings on fancy motorhomes, cars, palm trees, and generous cash gifts to his nephews in Europe.

I am now fearful that I will replicate their mistakes. Live too long so to speak. Without a clear mind and making horrible decisons. So perhaps I don't fear death...I fear the events leading up to it.