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Maybe spend a couple thousand on a house plan you would consider building from a book of plans, getting two or three sets to bid out the major subcontracts. The bigger sub costs are rough plumbing, concrete, lumber, framing, roofing, rough electric, windows, drywall, and painting. Get at least two bids for each item. You can pretty much guess at the costs for finish plumbing, finish electric, cabinets, etc. by going to the big box stores.
Make sure you know what ALL your fees and permits will be. You really don't need a general contractor if you can find decent subcontractors and can supervise and schedule their work. One thing to consider, though, is can you obtain construction financing without a general? Most banks require about 20% of the total costs to be borne by the borrower, so you will have to put down that amount prior to a funding.
If you do the aforementioned footwork, you will know within about 10% what your costs will be.
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