Quote:
Originally Posted by Evans, Marv
So, are you thinking of meeting with him to obtain an apology? Are you going to demand an apology, manipulate him into giving you an apology, tell him how upset/bothered you are and deserve an apology? How are you going to accomplish it? Do you think it might even occur to him he did something to offer an apology? It seems you might feel you were unjustly used to the point you are maybe obsessing about it. What if it doesn't happen? Will you wait for the next time? This person doesn't add anything to your life. Let it go. He's really nothing to you.
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It's not my style to make demands. It's more to gauge if he's in a place that I would even consider a friendship. I do believe people can change, but I also believe that the only way people change is when they want to and no amount of external pressure (including demanding) can cause that to happen. I also believe change is rare, but not impossible. We all have had events in our own lives that have opened our eyes and permanently changed our behaviors.
This guy has been trying to get a hold of me pretty much the entire past 10 years, so I wouldn't call that an obsession on my part. (Though there has been a break for the past few years.) What struck me about this attempt was that he was upfront and honest about it--something I hadn't seen before. I'm curious if this is a legitimate change for the better or just another angle.
He started the text by clearly identifying himself. The message basically said that he's in town for work every few months and he'd love to get together to catch up some time. What I didn't see this time is some sort of urgency or an attempt to manipulate. Then again, he may have (finally) learned to play the long game.
I've had a lot of sociopaths in my past--including in my immediate family. They seem to be attracted to me mostly because I think my easy-going nature makes them think I'm an easy mark. They also tend to get very angry with me when they fail to manipulate me. My experience with so many means that I see through them pretty quickly. I also pretty quickly discern the "hooks" they like to use to manipulate and simply take them away--I very intentionally stop reacting in the way they want. I've had more than one person like this that I've left behind. (I even had one flee the state when she realized that I had her pegged all along.)
I'm probably going to meet him for a beer some time, but I go into this knowing fully that he may be looking for ways to manipulate. The first thing I'll do is let him talk and not say much about myself--or only give vague answers.