[JavaBrewer]

It sucks.

My Father passed Dec 2016. Dementia and Alzheimers complications from his diabetes. He was sharp, in control, and confident. Hard working all his days. The neighbor everyone wanted. A guys guy. He would pull over when he saw a person struggling and offer help.

Thankfully we (wife and I) were there to hold his hand as he departed. The location was a decidedly run down nursing home in a bad part of town. Not what he anticipated but thankfully he didn't recognize it.

I have posted a couple times here hinting on the event...traumatic for me, but I am moving forward and accepting of the finality we all face. I am this year 55 and for the first time terrified, not of passing, but of dissolving into a helpless person who doesn't even grasp the situations or the loved ones at the bedside.

That said I think my Dad understood the situation. I have regrets. Two days before he passed he was fighting the nurses, unaware of almost everything, he grasped me by my arm and said "I want to go to the beach and have a beer". His eyes were shockingly blue and bright, but I knew he didn't even recognize me, or anyone at that point. I was stricken with doubt. All things said, the drive and beer didn't happen. The next morning he did not wake and his body fought to hold on for the next 18 hours. I will remember, and regret, that for the rest of my life.

There is no escape for anyone.

Some may see this video as disrespectful, but for me, it chronicles the fall in a heartbreaking way. One is busy with life, the other not so much.



My Father's name was Jules. He was not the best Father around, but he was mine and I loved, love, him still.