[RKDinOKC]

Okay, here goes. Family...

Came home from college to help my Mom take care of my Dad until he passed. I was the one in the hospital room holding his hand when he passed peacefully. He was in ICU and they only let one family member visit at a time. Being the one in the room was like Russian roulette. He did smile at me when I took his hand. Told me I was a good son.

The day Dad died my brother 13 years older was on his first day of a new job, got served, an ex was suing him for more alimony and child support. He also had his first big MS attack. Took care of the house while Mom spent most of her time helping brother's current wife take care of him.

Then ex decided she couldn't handle 14 yo problem teen. Brother with MS definitely couldn't handle the stress of a problem teen. Mom and I took the teen and took care of him for 2 years. After his grades went from Fs to As and he stopped getting into fights his Mom took him back.

Within a couple of months Brothers current wife divorced him. He had gotten to the point he was using a motorized cart and couldn't walk. Over the trip from Atlanta to OKC he went from barely being able to transfer to being able to walk short distances with a cane. Amazing what removing stress from your life can do, expecially with MS.

Over the next few years Mom and I took care of brother with MS. I bought a house that was handicap accessible and big enough for all three of us to live comfortably. Took 3 months to find one that could even be converted.

As his disease progressed and he became wheelchair dependent. He ran into and old HS girlfriend at his reunion and she latched onto him and really helped. But that was too good. Mom got breast cancer, it was removed and in remission. But another older brother thought taking care of Brother with MS would be too much for her convinced brother and his HS girlfriend to move to her not very accessible place.

Before we could sort that out the drugs they put Mom on to supposedly keep the cancer from coming back caused a stroke. She just about recovered and it was followed by a second, then came the slow fading of post stroke dementia. Very similar to Alzheimers.

We visited my brother with MS and his HS sweetheart often. At one point they got married but as common with MS he declined and passed. I am grateful he only lasted for 1 full day that he couldn't verbally communicate any more. Mom and I visited him a lot over the last 2 weeks. My older brother didn't visit until the very last day when the doctors said he would pass any minute.

That same spring we had a big hailstorm and got the house re-roofed and repainted. I stepped on a freakin roofing nail and it changed my life. It got a MRSA infection (penicillin resistant). For 14 days the doctor was telling me to get my affairs in order. Then that they might not be able to save my foot. Ended up just loosing a toe. They used some new powder stuff that grew back the 1/3 of the flesh they had cut off my foot. But the MRSA infection had gotten into my blood and wreaked havoc.

The MRSA infection in my blood gave me insulin shooting diabetes and several of complications of diabetes, neuropathy (loss of feeling in extremities), blood vessels popping and making sores on my legs, retinopathy (same thing in the eye which also causes cataracts), and digestive disorders. But thankfully no liver problems or circulation problems in the extremities. I was NOT diabetic at all before the infection.

I took a full year to grow my foot back, but during that time of being bedfast I still had to take care of Mom. Hired my SIL to be our shopper. Hired a maid. Ordered delivery a lot, and paid several people to be a runners to get food for us. The only time I was supposed to get up from having my foot elevated above my heart was to use the restroom. But also cooked and did things for Mom.

After being able to get around again I had problems with my sisters. My 2 sisters would come visit a few of times a year and in the guise of helping deep clean would try to throw Mom's stuff away saying she would never use it. Even worse they would try to rearrange everything. They didn't understand it made Mom feel like her things were disappearing like her memories and abilities to do things. They eventually got so pissed at me for stopping them the quit coming to visit. Honestly they didn't come often enough for Mom to remember who they were.

Our 13 yo golden retriever died and Mom refused to get out of bed. It was her dog and it slept with her. The last best thing I did was immediately replace it with a new Golden Retriever puppy. She latched onto it and got a lot more active to take care of the puppy. She even started cooking again, something she hadn't done for years. Instead of asking me several times on the way to her hair dresser where we were going, she would remind me she had to get ready to go to the hair dressers.

After 3 months of increased clarity Mom passed very early one morning walking back to bed after going to the bathroom. The puppy came in, woke me, lead me to her, and licked her face. I don't know which was worse emotionally. Mom passing or the reaction of the puppy.

Did my best to make all their last days as comfortable as I could. Still sometimes think I could have done better. Should have stood up to my older brother and moved the MS brother's girlfriend in to live with us instead of my brother moving them out. It would have been so much easier on all of us with two care givers instead of splitting us up. Don't know what my older brother said but the MS brother and is wife would not stay.

As far as getting over it. Mom passed in March of 2015. Haven't done much of anything except work since. Miss her even though it seemed like she slowly faded away. A little over 2 years since Mom passed and am just now getting around to cleaning Mom and brother's stuff out of the house and fix it up for myself. Spent everything extra taking care of them so looking for refinancing on the house to get some money together to clean up and fix up the place.