[recycled sixtie]

Well I can see the introspection is continuing which is not a bad thing but on the other hand too much navel gazing can get tedious. It is indeed good to see you out and about.

I have said it before that a good counselor is really helpful. The big thing is that a counselor is not going to take sides(unlike a lawyer).

I am the first to admit after my first marriage that I was as much to blame for the problems as she was. Fortunately we did not have children and my second wife who I met shortly after did not either.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with your having your own place and a girlfriend keeps her own place. Any time you move in together the dynamics change.
I met a fellow many years ago whose wife died relatively young. He stated that if he met another woman he was interested in that she would not inherit anything from him as his children would get everything. Not a bad way of doing it.

However children do complicate a relationship. Step children etc.
Also note that even in good marriages there can be issues and arguments.
It seems that you are well able to detect any game playing on the part of the opposite sex. That is good. My apologies if I come over too fatherly.
Cheers, Guy