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Powerful stuff wayner. You nailed it.
The other day I got out the cat fishing pole thingamabob and got him chasing it around a little. He was a little nonplussed at first but got into it. Realized it's been ages since I did that last. Usually it's "What do you need? I'm busy." Coincidentally he stopped being a brat to the dog and getting him wound up at me. Life seems to feel better at a subconscious level, despite even more things going wrong, but those things also become new when they get fixed.
I realized I hadn't been trying for a long time. I'd stopped smelling the roses by self-choice and/or training. If I had wanted us to go out and do something it was always "no" before. Unless it was her agenda calling of course. Then self-determination and a refusal would be tantamount to the nuclear option. Maybe it was fear of the unknown that made me stay with her. Maybe it was guilt. It really was my choice and my fault for letting her treat me that way. But we are born alone and we die alone.
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