[LEAKYSEALS951]

The potential disingenuous nature of it all is what gets me. Once forced, it's work, and the knowledge that the other person is "trying to ask questions to get me to talk" in the same manner I am doing it to them is just too obvious.

"So you have a 60 minute commute?"
"Yes"
"That's GREAT!" (really? how? compared to your 15 minute commute? are you even listening?)

At a recent continuing education course, I sat at a table with a former classmate. In school, she NEVER spoke a word. Now, a specialist with her own practice, she has become a Jedi in the way of small talk. GOOD GOD! 60 minutes of small talk ready to keep the table lively in the name of networking. Nice person, and I give her credit for doing it, but I simply didn't have the energy.

Another fun situation is getting caught in inadvertent snafu's. For example, I ride bikes, however, I do not advertise that fact. A friend introduces me to non-cyclist "x" and to break the ice introduces me as a "cyclist." To keep the conversation rolling, non cyclist "x" relays a too common story about how some cycling asshats about got killed the other day cutting off traffic. Non cyclist "x" wasn't really trying to start a fight, just make conversation, but now realizes mid story she has gone down a path of potential confrontation. To make matters worse, cycling friend "y" now jumps in and talks about "crazy drivers " running cyclist off the road. Now they both realize in the context of "small talk" they need to back down and start "seeing things from the other side."

I haven't even said a word, but now I'm in the middle of an unintended dispute which got accidently tripped into by the need to fill space with small talk. There's a reason I don't mention I ride bikes.

At that point, I generally say something like "yup- those cyclists are crazy. Dangerous out there. That's why I moved to the country to ride on dirt roads. No traffic. No people.....I love it. Excuse me while I get a drink..."

For me, the small talk is getting to a mutually enjoyable/genuine subject matter as quickly as possible and not beating it to death.