I had a policy with my own kids that let me be firm, but also easy going. It worked well. They are great kids and have accomplished a lot.
Here is an example of one policy that I had:
"YOU CAN BORROW THE CAR ON THE WEEKENDS AS LONG AS YOUR ROOM IS CLEAN"
Dad, can I borrow the car?
Me - is your room clean?
No, but I'll clean it tomorrow
Me - I'd like to lend you the car. If it was up to me I would, but we've got this POLICY.
Give me a break, just this one time, please!
Me- I would if I could, but there's this policy. Sorry, my hands are tied. I'd really like you to have the car though.
*^$^& ARG! - ok, I'll clean up my room
