Depression and suicide
 

My BIL suffered in silence. I thought something was up but he was such a private person, I didn’t want to pry. He took his own life Wednesday night. His wife found him hanging off the second floor banister with an extension cord around his neck. Sad effing time for the family. I miss the dude and I hope he’s in a better place.

God damn that's awful. His wife has a hard road ahead of her.

I'm guessing his wife is your sister. Help and support her as much as you can.

There should be a families of suicide victims group she could join for help.
I was dating a lady years ago who was in the exact same situation. (Her husband hung himself in their closet) The group helped her immensely.

My wife’s sister’s husband. We married the sisters while in college so we known each other for 37 years.

I have met the widow of Tupac's bodyguard. He blew his brains out while looking straight in her eyes. That has really messed her up.

It's not out of the question that cantdrv55 participates in some of these support group meetings, at least going to one would not hurt.

I mean we all assume the wife will need some coping help, but a life is like a stone tossed into a pond, there are lots of ripples.

Types of Coping Mechanisms

May you all find a better place....peace to you brother.

ya...don't be the next person suffering in silence. It's ironic that time and talking are seen as the enemy of this stuff but are actually the only way through.

(edit: not discounting meds or ECT)

Any idea as to what led to his depression? Job, something from the past? Very sad...RIP.

I’m sorry to hear this. It must be very hard on all involved.
Any warning signs?

About 10 years ago my neighbor lost his job. He sold all of his stuff at auction and put his house up for sale at a “distressed property” price. We all thought he needed the money. As soon as they closed he hung himself. Turns out his wife’s name was not on the deed. He gave all the money away. His wife was left with nothing. It was all a big F-You to his wife.
To make it worse, the buyer of the house insisted on the terms of the contract. She had to be out of the house in 30 days.

I am sorry to hear about your BIL. His wife/your sister will need support from you and other family members. Please make sure she gets professional help.

I would like to relate to you how my father was at the end of WW2. He was a successful Lancaster bomber pilot and did two tours of ops. At the end of the war he went into a state of depression or delayed shock reaction. He was in a psychiatric hospital and my mother said a razor blade could not be left in his room or else he would have cut his wrists. He suffered from depression and smoked heavily. He died when he was 52 of cancer and I was 21 at the time.

And you cantdrv55 look after yourself and family. Time has a way of healing.

Really sorry to read this. As everyone has mentioned I hope you all are getting some help.

My SIL had divorced husband #2 (out of 5), about 3 years later I ran into him sitting at a sports bar having lunch. We talked for about an hour he was completely upbeat and talked up his life like he had the world by the balls. We had a nice time catching up and I was happy for him after learning his life was on a good track, almost jealous of him as he was finishing up classes in school towards a degree.

The next day he shot himself in the head.

My wife and I were just discussing this thread over breakfast and what bothers both of us is the chosen location for the act. Then again, suicide is a very selfish act, therefore it should not be surprising one pick a location like that.

Sorry to read about this, it sucks.

Dang! Awful to hear. Sorry for you and your loved ones. Sudden and unexpected loss of a family member is tough, but has to be even tougher when that person has taken his/her own life. Definitely a situation where professional support is highly recommended.

Please take care.

I think depression is considered a disease. If cancer were to kill someone, we do not conciser is suicide...I am not so sure that suicide through depression should be considered a selfish act.

I could have picked my words better agreed depression is a monster and very misunderstood.

It just blows my mind when someone picks a location like that to commit the act. Seems like a final FU in my simple mind.

Awful. My uncle (who was a huge role model for me) killed himself.

I still hurt from this. His children will be forever damaged.

Yes. Get help.

Sorry to hear this. Too many people choosing this. Had a couple in my family also.

I have nothing to offer here except that I am sorry for your loss.
I have had a few friends and acquaintances that have died from depression. Sad times for all left behind.

I agree. Major depression can be incredibly painful. It's not selfish to get rid of the emotional pain by suicide - it's better than putting your family through years of distress by self medicating with drugs and/or alcohol. Of course the best course is to have he courage do deal with the problem.

WOW... That's an amazing story! :eek:

A song to consider
 

Richard Cory by Simon & Garfunkle....we saw it unfold here in real life.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fAGKpoVFbmw

My brother sat under a bridge and blew his head off with a shotgun.

I hope you and your family find peace.

You have my condolences. RIP...

My condolences to all here who have lost a friend or loved one to depression. It is worse than other deaths because it is so hard to understand.

What we expect out of life is up to us, but it’s hard to give up what we want. Most of the world would be happy with a full belly and no threat of dying in the night, but it seems the more you have, the more you expect. I am not depressed, but I’m often angry about my lot in life. I have developed arthritis and I’m in pain all the time. I can’t do what I expected to do in my retirement because of it and it pisses me the hell off. But I have a gorgeous loving wife, a great son and grandchildren, I'm healthy otherwise, and I have plenty of material wealth – I’m living among the top few percent of people in the world no matter how you measure it. And I still get pissed off.
So I can see how people who go in the direction of depression instead of anger can get as wrong-headed as I do about their lot in life.
Those with brain chemistry imbalances are in a different category. My old accountant was very depressed. He once told me, “If they gave me a pill that would instantly make everything right I would look at it and think, ‘why bother.’”
Hard to explain, or understand.

Wow :(. My condolences and peace to you all...

Depression is a horrible affliction. There are so many who have it. Most know they do and most around them do not.

Most people don't understand it. They don't even know what to tell anyone with it - except I hope you get help.

This is not a personal attack against anyone here as much as just me sharing my thoughts.

We're complicated animals.

Take care of yourselves....

True happiness must be one of the most elusive commodities on earth. Conversely, depression is all too common. There seems to be little correlation to wealth or poverty, success or failure, love or rejection, good friendships or loneliness, or any of the "measures" we apply to our lives. People who "have it all" are not immune from depression, where in many cases those who "have" the least have happiness. Like Baz says, "we're complicated animals". We are the only animals "intelligent" enough, or "sentient" enough to decide we no longer want to live. What a burden to carry.

Lost two friends to depression. I'll never fully understand it and consider myself lucky I don't suffer from it.

Terrible news. I wish your family the best and I hope your BIL finds peace and tranquillity.

I had a friend who was considered "successful" who killed himself. In his case it seemed like an act of revenge to his soon to be ex-wife who left him after she was caught having an affair.
Suicide counselors say that usually, suicide is done on impulse. Not that there weren't problems or it wasn't dwelt upon in the past, but rather that they just have a really overwhelming moment and make a rash decision.
Help your family and yourself to go through the grieving process in a healthy way and seek counseling if needed. Sometimes all it takes is one or two sessions to sort yourself out.
Prayers for the widow and the family.

Thank you all. We had a family gathering tonight at my BIL's place to console my SIL and my nephew. We're going to be torn up for a while but we'll get through this together. Time heals all wounds.

Time at least makes the wounds hurt less. Hang in there.

It is very convient to call it depression..you. have to lay it at some door to make sense of it. It is not that simple deal with it.

Everybody suffers from. DEEEPRESSION..you dog dies you got depression, you lose your job you got depression, your wife leaves you you got depression, you get a b on the exam you got depression...

So the question becomes what do you do with your deeepression. How do ya roll with it...

Part of it is that you learn your coping skills from your family.

So sorry for ALL that have chimed in here that have had this tragedy hit them personally . I'm no expert but I believe many ( not all ) people that have depression are what I would call " functioning " depressed . Kind of like functioning alcoholics . They go about their business day to day with little to no outward appearance that anything is wrong . When this is the case a lot of the people that could have helped or wanted to help just don't know there is/was an issue . How many times have you heard about someone that committed suicide " he/she was a quiet person " or something similar ? No obvious signs that something is wrong , the hurting person is just good at hiding or masking it . It is a tough situation to deal with for all involved .

those left behind must be very conflicted.

That's how it is for the people I know who have gone through this and it never goes away.

I've been lucky. Not one person close to me has committed suicide but I had a friend who died from an "accidental" overdose.
His family suffered deeply and there was lots of gossip about what really happened.

I know a couple of folks who experienced this. One guy's best friend and another's teenage son.

I cannot imagine what they feel.

I feel for everyone who has been touched by an event such as this.

Hopefully this video can be shared in a way that it gets in front of at least one person who it can help. What happens after cannot be fixed. But maybe, just maybe in at least one case it can be prevented by the person themselves by watching this.

I don't believe that others should carry the guilt of not having prevented it or seeing the signs.
Its not your fault. Given out ability to hide things, you did the best you could do not knowing, and you couldn't have know.

The biggest message I think in this video is that our lives are not ours to take. Our lives belong to those in our lives.

Take care
Be kind to yourself

https://youtu.be/qmKtyeQ9Ikk

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A few years ago, a guy in my firehouse hung himself at home. An hour earlier, he was at our dept Christmas party, laughing it up having a great time with everyone, being his usual outgoing self.
We were clueless.
He had went through a divorce earlier, but never really showed a single sign.