Dating

[john70t]

Originally Posted by cockerpunk

. most adults know what they want from life and relationships. this isnt their first rodeo.

I'm being argumentative here (to reiterate), sorry 'bout that, but every single rodeo before they did not get it right.

Some marry for life at 20. Some go through numerous partners. Some are mature in values at a younger age. Some never grow up.

[PorscheGAL]

Originally Posted by Rodsrsr

NEVER EVER take dating advise from a woman.

As the mother of a son in his early 20's, I think I have semi-good advice.

-Don't waste time with a woman who complains more than she smiles.
-Date women the same intelligence level (notice is said intelligence, not education level. There is a big difference)
-Find someone with hobbies or interests.

[cockerpunk]

Originally Posted by john70t

I'm being argumentative here (to reiterate), sorry 'bout that, but every single rodeo before they did not get it right.

Some marry for life at 20. Some go through numerous partners. Some are mature in values at a younger age. Some never grow up.

who says that?

just because a relationship didn't turn into a lifelong monogamous commitment, doesn't mean it wasn't right. what even is right?

hint: real life isnt fairy tales. there is no such thing as happily ever after. there is no such thing as soul mates. there is no such thing as an easy, painless, life long relationship.

[3rd_gear_Ted]

Dating is usually is the first step to the eventual transfer of your lives wealth to the next generation as created by the two of you.
Life is never ever fair, sometimes its good.

[Tobra]

Best dating tip I ever got was from my mother.

"Eventually, you have to get out of bed and talk to them."

[fintstone]

Originally Posted by PorscheGAL

As the mother of a son in his early 20's, I think I have semi-good advice.

-Don't waste time with a woman who complains more than she smiles.
-Date women the same intelligence level (notice is said intelligence, not education level. There is a big difference)
-Find someone with hobbies or interests.

Great advice. Especially the "intelligence, not education level" part.

Best advice I ever got when starting to date was "don't date someone that you know you would never want to marry." Circumstances (casual sex, unintended pregnancy, shared finances/debt, or simply just getting a bit too comfortable often leads to big mistakes). While bad girls/boys may be fun, they may also be addictive but like many other addictive things, not very good for you.

I was lucky as the line formed to hang with the verifiable crazy girls was too long...and I found one that was just crazy enough for me. Married in my late teens (1976) to a girl I met in high school not long after graduating...a long and happy marriage (at least so far) with an anniversary coming up soon.

Older, more experienced folks with different goals (not looking to establish a new family or marriage) may find different rules work for them...but I have seen a lot of them fall into the same traps.

[Baz]

I have remained on good standing with all my past girlfriends.

I think that's a positive.

Sometimes things just don't work out for a long term deal. No need to go crazy.

Have fun while you can - enjoy the moment(s)!

I have so many fond memories of so many moments with these ladies.

One I dated in the 80's had an MGB and was a blast to be with. We were having dinner once at a local seafood restaurant and she said to me "You know what bad habit you have?" I was thinking - oh no - what is she seeing I don't know about?!? She said "You lick your fingers." That was funny - and true. I never did it again - except maybe a little in the privacy of my home.

But that's what it's all about. Honesty with each other about all kinds of little things that contribute to growth and wonderment.

I won't be with anyone I don't respect. That's a big cornerstone.

[cockerpunk]

Originally Posted by 3rd_gear_Ted

Dating is usually is the first step to the eventual transfer of your lives wealth to the next generation as created by the two of you.
Life is never ever fair, sometimes its good.

repeat after me "dating is done by individuals, not populations"

"usually" doesn't matter. everyone is different, wants different things, has lived differently, and wants different futures.




as several people have detailed since, just because a relationship did not lead to a life long monogamous child rearing relationship does not mean it was a failure.

[RANDY P]

Yes, Punk, that's why women constantly gather, trade notes with each other, and for dating ideals are practically interchangeable iwhen describing wants when you first meet 'em.

It's very apparent Punk hasn't been around very many women, and/or some real weirdos. They are the epitome of groupthink.

rjp

[cockerpunk]

Originally Posted by RANDY P

Yes, Punk, that's why women constantly gather, trade notes with each other, and for dating ideals are practically interchangeable iwhen describing wants when you first meet 'em.

It's very apparent Punk hasn't been around very many women, and/or some real weirdos. They are the epitome of groupthink.

rjp

if you think women are interchangeable in there wants, that says more about you, than me.

yikes.

you should probably get out more.



as i said before, ignore anyone's dating advice if they believe "women" or "men" is a homogenous group that is useful when discussing dating. it is all bad advice. populations don't date, individuals do.

[GH85Carrera]

I dated a lot (over 20 years of dating) as I did not find Mrs. Carrera until I was in my late 30s. Some were a lot of fun for a week or two, and then the turned into their real selves. On to the next try.

I found a few that I really liked, but there was always something not quite right for one of us.

Finally I found a lady that had the one big thing that made a big difference, she had the same sense of humor as I do. We both had Far Side books. She drove a Mercedes 190, with a 5 speed transmission. She was very smart, and had a good job. She had similar record albums. When we combined our albums we had almost no duplicates, but many of the same artists, just different albums.

We got married about a year after our first date. After 30 years I know for a fact it is the best decision I ever made.

I miss dating almost as I miss skin cancer, or colonoscopy preparation. I still check out petty ladies, but I don't even run to the end of my chain to bark and sniff, I just admire the view from a distance.

[RANDY P]

Originally Posted by cockerpunk

if you think women are interchangeable in there wants, that says more about you, than me.

Yes, it does- I have girlfriends. You need their approval to get the one you are after. Groupthink.

rjp

[cockerpunk]

Originally Posted by GH85Carrera

I miss dating almost as I miss skin cancer, or colonoscopy preparation. I still check out petty ladies, but I don't even run to the end of my chain to bark and sniff, I just admire the view from a distance.

see, i love dating. i love meeting new people, figuring out how they work and why. dipping myself into new hobbies, different interests, that i never would have bumped into otherwise. love dating so much i keep doing it even when i'm dating other people.

as soon as you disconnect dating, from the pressure to pick a person to live forever with, or have kids, or whatever, dating becomes a super fun and interesting hobby. or the time one, everyone who gets pissed about dating in my experience is on some kind of time table, have to be at X by Y age etc. and it just sets them up for failure IMO.

have fun. meet people. do strange things you've never done before. be interesting.

but you know, im pretty intellectually promiscuous as well as you know, just actually promiscuous according to most of the population. enm and polyamory are not super well accepted.

[cockerpunk]

Originally Posted by RANDY P

Yes, it does- I have girlfriends. You need their approval to get the one you are after. Groupthink.

rjp

this post doesn't make sense.

do whatever makes you happy randy, ill do the same.

<- is currently dating more than one person.

[RANDY P]

Oh I highly doubt that Punk.

rjp

[cockerpunk]

Originally Posted by RANDY P

Oh I highly doubt that Punk.

rjp

ok.

[Tim Hancock]

Originally Posted by cockerpunk

see, i love dating.... love dating so much i keep doing it even when i'm dating other people....

do strange things you've never done before. be interesting.....

...just actually promiscuous according to most of the population.

I bet you spend a fortune on antibiotics.

[cockerpunk]

Originally Posted by Tim Hancock

I bet you spend a fortune on antibiotics.

never had an STD.

but that is often what people respond with. the other one is some weird form of cuckhold/super stud dichotomy thing. like since the people i date sometimes date other people, i must be a cuck, meanwhile, since im dating other people, i must be some kind of super stud.

of course neither are true. i believe in my partners autonomy just as much as i believe in my own.

the most common one though is that i should settle down and pick someone, and by not doing that i must not be serious, mature etc etc. of course that gets weird when i explain that i currently live with a partner, probably going to be married to them soon. and of course we will be inviting our partners to the party.

[RANDY P]

Originally Posted by Tim Hancock

I bet you spend a fortune on antibiotics.

I don't

rjp

[masraum]

Originally Posted by fintstone

Great advice. Especially the "intelligence, not education level" part.

Best advice I ever got when starting to date was "don't date someone that you know you would never want to marry." Circumstances (casual sex, unintended pregnancy, shared finances/debt, or simply just getting a bit too comfortable often leads to big mistakes). While bad girls/boys may be fun, they may also be addictive but like many other addictive things, not very good for you.

I was lucky as the line formed to hang with the verifiable crazy girls was too long...and I found one that was just crazy enough for me. Married in my late teens (1976) to a girl I met in high school not long after graduating...a long and happy marriage (at least so far) with an anniversary coming up soon.

Older, more experienced folks with different goals (not looking to establish a new family or marriage) may find different rules work for them...but I have seen a lot of them fall into the same traps.

I think I followed something like that. If there was no spark that seemed like they could be a long term, then I did not pursue. I'm sure I missed out on some experience and fun. I probably also avoided a lot of trouble.

I do think it's possible to share time and date folks that you click with but may not necessarily be long term. I think the key is that you have to be up front and honest about what's going on. It may also be more likely to be successful once you're a little older (>25 or 30?).

I don't really remember any advice for dating. I also didn't date much. I am/was good looking, but awkward. I was shy and wasn't able to read interest (now I look back and see lots of missed opportunities).