Is it possible to feel a deep sadness for the death of an internet friend

[pwd72s]

Or...do I have a mental problem? His name is Jim Harper, passed on the 4th. Posted on the IMBOC (Bullitt Mustang) board as Jimbob. 78, Vietnam vet, recently lost his wife..He in love with 50's and 60's USA cars..a Cleveland resident. Really fond of those I'd call luxobarge ragtops..Buicks, Caddy, Lincoln, Mopar, etc. He'd post a specific car, give details, then a string of photos of "Kuties". He also had a history of playing in bar bands when younger...sort of how he met his wife after getting a "dear John" when in 'Nam from a girl he was engaged to. So, he'd post youtubes of himself & guitar, doing covers...no, not a great talent, but he loved doing it. He was a huge Beatles fan, loved the top guitar players..both rock & country, Glen Campbell near the top...but also Billy Strings & others.

I could go on more...but you get the drift...over a decade or more, I began to feel I really knew the guy, me responding to his posts as the straight man. When his death was confirmed, it hit me...hard! Almost the same as when my long time buddy died in an industrial accident. Still feeling that sadness...the one that upsets your gut.

Is it mentally healthy to feel this...the loss of someone you've really never met? Can't help it...there it is.

If anybody would like more insight, here's the last few pages of the "nifty 50's" thread Jimbob kept going...

https://www.imboc.com/threads/nifty-50s-thread.163311/page-2815

[masraum]

Yep, you can absolutely develop meaningful friendships and attachments over the Internet without having even met the person face to face. No, there's nothing wrong with anyone that develops those friendships and then feels a loss.

My condolences on the loss of your buddy.

And another thing to think about. There are tons of folks that I've repeatedly met face to face that I have not developed friendships with. Face to face is great, but not necessary, especially these days. I have a feeling the only reason that you've even considered this is because you're of a generation that for most of its life really ONLY had f2f interaction, so this whole remote/virtual thing seems foreign to you even though you've been doing it a while and have gotten used to it.

[red-beard]

I would say yes. We've lost a few here! Almost lost me...

[masraum]

Originally Posted by red-beard

I would say yes. We've lost a few here! Almost lost me...

Agreed that we've lost some great folks here that touched many of us, and glad that you're not among them.

[Gogar]

Sorry about your friend! Don't ding yourself for actually having a heart.

[red-beard]

Originally Posted by masraum

Agreed that we've lost some great folks here that touched many of us, and glad that you're not among them.

Yet...

My new goal is to make it long enough to see my Perpetual Calendar screw up. That will be February 29th, 2100.

Will this forum still exist? It has been over 25 years since I signed on!

[LWJ]

Absolutely.

I greatly enjoy our community here on PPOT. But my oldest child? They are disabled and live almost entirely via online communities. We are social animals. We get our connections in many different ways.

Sorry for your loss. It is real.

[pwd72s]

Grady Clay, Ron Madaio, and others...but maybe not quite the same, because I did have face to face with both Grady and Ron. Grady, back in the 70's, my car in his shop...Ron, met on the net, but was glad to be a pit stop on his "Big Ride"...

Yep, James & I both had close calls, different reasons. My RN daughter informed me that if my spinal collapse had begun at the c-2 level instead of c-3 through c-6, I'd have quit breathing...

[pwd72s]

Originally Posted by Gogar

Sorry about your friend! Don't ding yourself for actually having a heart.

BTW, Jimbob was a fan of yours...I posted your cover of "Brandy"...he loved it.

[cantdrv55]

I’ve been on Pelican for over 20 years. I’m always sad when a member I’ve “known” no longer posts.

[onewhippedpuppy]

In some ways I think this medium can bring out the “real” in people more so than in person, both good and bad. The degree of anonymity can make people more inclined to share personal details than in the real world. I don’t think you have to see people, or see them on a regular basis, to build real human bonds. Unlike most social media I don’t think any of y’all are bots!

[wdfifteen]

Yes.

[Jeff Higgins]

I think it would be impossible not to feel a great sadness over the loss of an internet friend. We all have friends like that whom we know we will never meet, representing probably one of the most profound changes in how people interact with one another that any of us will ever experience. I count it as a good thing, and quite a positive comment on who we are as a species that we are able to form close relationships in this manner. The only downside, of course, is that we wind up with more friends to lose. Sorry for your loss, Paul.

[Por_sha911]

What you are feeling is completely understandable. Grieving a death is not about the deceased. Its about you feeling loss to someone who enhanced your life. This is not derogatory but you are feeling sad for yourself and that is healthy and normal. If my wife passed away before me I would be happy for her (since I would know where she is). I would be sad due to the empty place in my life that she filled and would then look forward to seeing her again without the troubles of life and mortality.

[unclebilly]

Am I the only one that feels betrayed that Paul is posting in other car forums?

What do those bullett mustang guys have that we don’t?

[The Synergizer]

Internet friends are friends, just like texting has become the new form of telephoning....

[Gogar]

In addition

When you have a "friend" that you don't really know in the analog world it's very easy to subconsciously create an idealized version of them in your head, and in a way that's why the loss can potentially seem more difficult, or different than something right in front of you.

Not sure I'm saying that right but i tried

[herr_oberst]

I'm sorry for your loss, Paul. I know the feeling is real, and I bet your cyber-pal would be having the same feelings if the table were turned.

[A930Rocket]

I’m sorry for your loss, Paul.

Most of us probably signed on here, for the Porsche technical knowledge. Then, moved over to PPOT. That was the case for me, when I sold my 930, fifteen years ago. It’s a place I look forward to reading every day. So much experience and knowledge here. When somebody passes here, it’s like a close friend has died, although we’ve never met.

I was making a note on my phone on the way home tonight, and it was basically if you’re reading this, I have passed. One of the items I listed, was to let you knuckleheads know, that I’ve passed. Also, my two close friends, and the wife of my best friend from high school, college and beyond. He passed away about 10 years ago from cancer.

[jyl]

Yes, absolutely. People are people and friendships are friendships, regardless of the context. I still think about Dottore, laneco, and others.