Alright Brain, you don't like me, and I don't like you. But lets just do this, and I can get back to killing you with beer.

Hmmmm, free goo.

Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true!

If something is to hard to do, then it's not worth doing. You just stick that guitar in the closet next to your shortwave radio, your karate outfit and your unicycle and we'll go inside and watch TV.

If they think I'm going to stop at that stop sign, they're sadly mistaken!

Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand!

Marge! Look at all this great stuff I found at the Marina. It was just sitting in some guy's boat!

Marge, please. Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so that it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.

Shut up, Brain, or I'll stab you with a Q-tip!

Remember that postcard Grandpa sent us from Florida of that alligator biting that woman's bottom? That's right, we all thought it was hilarious. But it turns out we were wrong. That alligator was sexually harassing that woman.

Oh no! What have I done? I smashed open my little boy's piggy bank, and for what? A few measly cents, not even enough to buy one beer. Wait a minute, lemme count and make sure ... not even close.

Oh, everything's too damned expensive these days. This Bible cost 15 bucks! And talk about a preachy book! Everybody's a sinner! Except this guy.

C'mon, Moe. It's been St. Patrick's day for hours now and I'm not drunk yet!
--Homer Simpson

Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream?
--Homer Simpson


It takes two to lie, one to lie and one to listen.
--Homer Simpson

Computers can do that?
--Homer Simpson


You want the truth, you can't handle the truth!
--Homer Simpson


"Since the dawn of time, man has dreamed of destroying the Sun ..."
Montgomery Burns


"Oh no! The dead have risen and they're voting Republican!"
- Lisa

"Mom, romance is dead. It was acquired in a hostile takeover by Hallmark and Disney, homogenized, and sold off piece by piece."
- Lisa

"Bart, stop pestering Satan!"
-Marge


"Something tells me Homer Simpson is not the brilliant tactician I thought he was."
--C. Montgomery Burns

"What was I laughing about?... Oh yes! That crippled Irishman!"
--C. Montgomery Burns

"Now, I know I'm not normally a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman!" -- Homer

"Ah the miracle mile, where value wears a neon sombrero and there's not a single church or library to offend the eye." -- Homer

"Don't worry, Homer. Nine out of ten religions fail in their first year." -- God.

Bart: Dad you killed the zombie Flanders!
Homer: He was a zombie?!?

the bottom line is that there are just too many. just print everything from http://www.snpp.com/

There's about 10,000 of them here:
http://www.angelfire.com/comics/pearly/homer/homer-quotes.html