Difference between Democrats, Republicans and Texans

SRISER · 04-24-2004, 04:24 PM

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges. You are carrying a Glock .40 and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?

Democrat's Answer:
"Well, that's not enough information to answer the question! Does the man look poor or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that
would inspire him to attack? Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about the kids? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand? What does the law say about this situation? Does the Glock have an appropriate safety built into it? Why am I carrying a loaded gun and what kind of message does this send to society and my
children? Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me? Does
he definitely want to kill me or would he just be content to wound me? If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for a few days to try to come to a conclusion."

Republican's Answer:
BANG!

Texan's Answer:
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

cowtown · 04-24-2004, 06:45 PM

Californian's Answer:

"Will shooting this person generate some sort of gas/pollution from my Glock which could possibly harm the environment and/or cause global warming? Will there be a tax upon myself or my family for generating said gas?

If I shoot him, will his blood comtaminate the dirt beneath him in some way, requiring my childrens' childrens' children to enact cleanup measures?

"And in other news, Democratic Assembly member Dean Florez introduced legislation requiring owners of firearms to pay a $1000 per round surcharge to compensate environmental agencies for their cleanup costs resulting from the shooting of dangerous looking men."

Wait...what was the question?

nostatic · nostatic's Garage

Quote:

Originally posted by SRISER
Texan's Answer:
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

followed by, "aw hell, sorry about that Pa..."

speeder · speeder's Garage

Sam, I'm a Democrat w/ a Glock .40, (model 23), and I would make the most perfect pattern you ever did see in that person's chest in that situation. And I'm from Minnesota, not a lot of 10 gallon hats up there.

04-24-2004, 11:43 PM

SRISER · 04-25-2004, 07:35 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by speeder
Sam, I'm a Democrat w/ a Glock .40, (model 23), and I would make the most perfect pattern you ever did see in that person's chest in that situation. And I'm from Minnesota, not a lot of 10 gallon hats up there.

That just makes my heart swell with pride...

SRISER · 04-25-2004, 07:36 AM

Okay Mark, tell me about your rear valence...did you do it or a body shop? 'Cause it looks pretty good from here...

04-25-2004, 03:26 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by SRISER
Okay Mark, tell me about your rear valence...did you do it or a body shop? 'Cause it looks pretty good from here...

I used my 357 Mag and shot out the other exit

...

djmcmath · 04-25-2004, 04:09 PM

Alaskan: "WTF am I doing with this puny handgun!? Where's my pair of Desert Eagle .50 cals? Aargh!!"

Idahoan: Blasts attacker to Kingdom Come, but not before checking hunting license to ensure it's up to date for "Crazed psycho killer with knife."

SRISER · 04-25-2004, 05:13 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Mark Wilson
I used my 357 Mag and shot out the other exit ...

Uh huh...and then what?

04-25-2004, 06:43 PM

OK, I didn't use the sidearm.... I did it with a jigsaw with a metal cutting blade. I took the valance off, made a template with the shape from the left side, drew it on and sawed the piece off. Used a dremel to de-burr and touched up with paint. I didn't worry about making a lip to match the other side - nobody ever knows the dif. Email me if you have any q's.
Mark

SRISER · 04-25-2004, 07:15 PM

Roger. Copy all.

Hugh R · 04-26-2004, 09:07 AM

I remember reading once that Texas used to be its own country, and as a condition of joining the U.S. they retained the right to succeed from the U.S. at any time by a majority vote of its citizens.

SRISER · 04-26-2004, 09:27 AM

I heard that too. I think it may be true. Weren't Texans discussing that very issue just a few years ago?

djmcmath · 04-26-2004, 10:33 AM

You know, it wouldn't surprise me, but it does sound like urban legend. Anybody have time to check snopes? In many ways, Texas really is it's own country already.

Dan

pwd72s · 04-26-2004, 10:40 AM

In the good ol' days, a NATIVE OREGONIAN would have used a chainsaw to counter the knife. Today, the imported Oregonians would drop their Glock & Latte, run away screaming...

SRISER · 04-26-2004, 10:41 AM

but not too fast with all that flannel...oh, you mean the Oregafornians...yep, probably want to talk about their feelings and they find a way to pay for the criminals education, housing, medical and dental.

djmcmath · 04-26-2004, 11:18 AM

How much does a hunting license for an Oregafornian cost these days? I know the similar licenses for Idahoafornians are pretty pricey ...

Dan

SRISER · 04-26-2004, 11:24 AM

Not sure. I think you have to submit and environmental impact statement prior to hunting. Of course, the will need to be killed in a humane manner consistent with current PETA guidelines. Once your license expires, you must then vow to never consume meat products, adhearing to a strict vegan diet.

pwd72s · 04-26-2004, 04:44 PM

Sad but true guys...Oregon is now completely Californicated...