peanut sitting on a railroad track,
 

peanut sitting on a railroad track,
his heart was all a flutter,
348 came around the track,
toot, toot, peanut butter!:cool:

I would say you are showing your age, because I know where you learned that.

Two peanuts are walking down the street..


and one is a-salted

A preacher visits an elderly woman from his congregation. As he sits on the couch, he notices a large bowl of peanuts on the coffee table. "Mind if I have a few?", he asks.

"No, not at all", the woman replied. They chat for an hour and as the preacher stands to leave, he realizes that instead of eating just a few peanuts, he emptied most of the bowl.

"I'm so sorry for eating all your peanuts! I really just meant to eat a few", the preacher apologized.

"Oh that's alright", the woman replied. "Ever since I lost my teeth, all I can do is suck the chocolate off them".

Did you hear about the fire at the circus?

It was in tents.

A native American goes to a psychiatrist and says.
"I have this dream where at first I'm a teepee then I'm a wigwam then I'm a teepee then I'm a wigwam!"
The psychiatrist says.
"Your two tents"

A horse walks into a bar. Bartender say, "hey why the long face"?

A piece of string hops into a bar and up on a bar stool and orders a beer. The barkeep kicked him out because, well he was a piece of string.

He hung out near the bar entrance for a while and then asked a girl who was walking by to do him a favor. He said "please pick me up and tie a large knot in one end of me, and then fray out the fibers on the small end." She did.
He hopped back into the bar and onto the same barstool and this time with a bit of a cocky attitude, said "yo barkeep, beer".
The bartender said "aren't you that same piece of string I just kicked out of here?
The string said, "I'm a fraid knot!"

Booo hisss.

A man walks into his psychiatrist's office and says 'I'm a wig-wam, I'm a tee-pee, I'm a wig-wam, I'm a tee-pee!"
Psychiatrist says "Calm down sir, you too tense."

A Bear and a Rabbit shi((ing in the woods. Bear calls out to the Rabbit
"Hey Rabbit you got a problem with sh)t sticking to your fur"
Rabbit
"No"
So the Bear reaches over and wipes his ass with the Rabbit.

Where do melons spend their summer vacation?

John Cougar Meloncamp.

A man jumps out of an airplane and pulls the ripcord on his parachute. Nothing happens.

As he plummets earthward, he passes a woman going up just as fast. "Do you know anything about ripcords?" he shouts.

"No," she answers, "Do you know anything about gas stoves?"

Re: peanut sitting on a railroad track,
 

I actually remember singing this as a kid. And I'm not that old.

Blind guy with a seeing eye dog walks into Macy's, he picks the dog up by the tail and spins him over his head a few times. Sales person comes over and says, heah, you can't do that. Guy says, why not, I'm just looking around.:cool:

Did you hear the one about the cannibal who dumped his girlfriend?

How about the two cannibals who started in on this guy, one at the head, one at the feet. After a while, one asks the other,
"How are you doing?"
"Having a ball!" came the reply.
"Well slow down. You're eating too fast!"

This thread is nuts.
Les

I eat my peas with honey,
I've done it all my life.
It may taste kind of funny,
but it keeps them on the knife.

Howdy, Les!

Dog stolls into town on a horse w/ his leg in a sling, guy asks "what brings you to these parts?"
Relpy: "I'm lookin for the man that shot my paw"

Try the veal

Knock knock

who's there?

Impatient cow

Imatien....... MOOO!

Two blondes walk into a bar.

You'd think one of them would have noticed it.