To honor, to getting honor, being honor, and stayin honor, and if you can't comin her come honor

Here you go, problem solved.

http://www.wedding-speech.net/bestman2.html

Listen to Moses...

forget the speach, do a freestyle breakdancing demonstration instead. It will be awesome, trust me!

Ohh and listen to moses.

charge for your time.

Kinda like taking yet ANOTHER weekend day from your guests cause you didn't get it right the first several times.

Comment heard from the photographer recently when the groom was removing the garter and said "i can't find it"



Ready for this?







'you don't want to be saying that later tonight!'

LOL!

She offered her honor
I honored her offer
And all through the night
I was honor and offer.

"True love is hard to find, sometimes you think you have true love and then you catch the early flight home from San Diego and a couple of nude people jump out of your bathroom blindfolded like a goddamn magic show ready to double team your girlfriend."

Don't mention JB Weld.

you could always bust out some Dr. Dre

warning: offensive language contained in the above link - if you don't like it, don't click on it

Don't sweat it. Just have a few drinks at the bar and then wing it...

***

Seriously, when you have a lot of potential minefields (and you do), keep it short and sweet. Maybe just a few sentences like:

"[Groom] and [bride], you guys mean a lot to me. I wish you all of the luck for the future. I love you guys."

How do you make it last?

Think about baseball.

Keep it brief, about 30 seconds of general stuff and be done.

". . . slap, slap, slap. Like that."

I owe you a beer if you can work that phrase into it somehow.

Recite Jeff's classic poem and I'll owe you a beer truck!

ps: Doesn't mean you'll get the beer though :)

or

This is one secret to a happy marriage. Work it in how you like:

The greatest aphrodisiac for a women is to help her. Help her with the dishes, with the laundry. Pick up your shoes and dirty underwear. Keep her car washed. Call her as you leave work and ask if you can pick up anything at the store. Anticipate what she may want; a cup of decaf after dinner, a foot rub, on and on.

This keeps things hot and everyone happy.

This is based on my eighteen year and very happy marriage.
Troy

Seriously? Recite VanDoren's "Marriage". From 1933.
Moving, evocative and true. Take it from me a born scoundrel 33 years in love.

And yes his son was the quiz show crook.

So, how'd it go Mark?