wedding speech
 

I have been bushwhacked into giving two wedding speeches in the space of the next two weeks. One guy is my brother, the serial monogamist, who is marrying for the fourth time, and the other is a good friend who has decided to marry for the third time.

I thought the theme of my speeches should be "how to make this one last" - so it occurred to me to tap the Pelican brain trust on this subject.

There are many happily married Pelicans out there - and I would love to have your secrets, tips and advice.

I look forward to your comments - no matter how silly these may be.

By way of incentive I promise to post a copy of my speech to each person that replies - and you will then have a nice canned wedding speech for future occasions.

Many thanks in advance...

Mark

You could recycle speeches from the previous marriages and just change the bride's name.

refer to the lovely brides as #4 and #3 respectively.

4 and 3, respectively, why bother. At that point, both of them should have figured out that they shouldn't do it again. Oh, sorry, that's not what you're asking. Nothing to add here, please ignore.

yeah ... except I was hoping for some good insights on the subject of "how to make it last".

for example, one bit of advice I thought was good was that he should always call her "sweetheart" or "darling" or "baby" or some such generic thing so that he wouldn't
risk bringing the names of any of his ex-wives into the situation in the wrong moment.

and always put the lid down. and always finish last.

that sort of thing.

I was best man and gave a wedding speech recently. I mentioned that the groom had seemed happy with his single life for many years. And then one day, he realized he needed more supervision in his life and decided to get married.

I continued on mentioning that the bride, being from Columbia was 40 minutes late to the wedding. I mentioned that in the back room, the minister counseled us by saying it was a "cultural thing" and don't worry. I told the whole crowd what I told the minister: I said "Well, I"m Irish and I didn't show up drunk".

I then cautioned them to not have children as I know my wife would be traveling to their town all the time to see the baby and I could afford to buy new tires for her car and the price of gas going up and all.

Anyhow, inject a little humor and you'll do just fine.....

My initial reaction. Don't do it.

Unsolicited advice is rarely well received.

And the intention is to be funny don't be surprised if it's not taken that way.

My two cents.

Enjoy the festivities.

Subscribing!

As I said: I was bushwhacked. And I agreed.

So I'm after some marital wisdom at this point.

Punch-card coupon as a wedding gift? Or just say "sometimes two great minds cancel each other out, so I'm glad the bride is an idiot".

I dunno. Mabye mention (in better words than mine) that everyone has made mistakes in the past, and some need time to fully mature their expectations and goals in life, and of a life-partner. That life and a relationship are give-and-take, and will remain an unfinished journey that they will have the opportunity to share together through lifelong experiences(or something like that).

Brother and good friend, eh? My condolences.

At this point, they really should have no weddings at all. Just a civil wedding at city hall. If they are still married after 5 years, then have a ceremony. Otherwise the odds are very, very high that they are just wasting everyone's time.

You're in a tough position. The normal wedding cliches, how serious a commitment marriage is, they are soul mates who will stay together forever, etc. etc. etc. seem hard to say with a straight face the 4th time around.

Now that's a line I can use...

Many thanks!

Never, never, never...

... refer to the bride or grooms failed marriages during a ceremony. Not directly, not obliquely, NOT AT ALL! It is rude and will be viewed as classless and offensive.

There isn't any.

Don't be crass - it's not your show.

Just say something nice and drink up.

Obviously all of your efforts to date have been in vein.. so wish them luck, they are nieve enough to think this time it will work, and are clearly idiots
You might want to watch The Wedding Singer,, Steve Buschemi gives one of the best speaches ever!!

At my Father-in-Laws 50th Anniv. he announced the secret to a long marriage, he said "I took her to Hawaii on our 20th Anniv.

...and picked her back up on our 49th!"

Have to agree. Seems like there is little good to come from it and the potential for lots of bad.

I'm in the same boat here... next week I'll be best man (again) at my best friend's wedding. I've never met her so I'm thinking hard about what I'll say.

+1. Unless you want to be a complete a$$. It's pretty tough to pull off giving advice at a wedding. If you're officiating, you might be able to get away with it, or if you're the parent of one of the participants.

Good luck,
Dan

Look him right in the eye and tell him, "remember these words - they can and should be used in any/all conversations with your new spouse: 'yes dear, you're right and I'm sorry'". Make him repeat after you over and over until he can do it without flinching.

Have they at least changed the vows from "until death do us part" to "until inconvenience do us part"? They should.